Does Martha Stewart Think Her Hands Are Too Wrinkly?

It’s a question we asked ourselves, possums, after reading this blind item in The New York Post:

“WHICH lifestyle diva used a hand model for close-up shots in her latest book? She deemed her own hands too wrinkled”

Let’s see, possums. The term “lifestyle diva” was invented for Ms. Stewart. She does have a new book, as you can see in the still from tonight’s episode. And she is of an age where, thanks to the nature of time and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to, wrinkles (on one’s hands or elsewhere) are a distinct possibility. What say ye?

We, of course, refuse, absolutely refuse, to believe that she is such a perfectionist that she would deem any part of herself imperfect. Not our Martha, not ever.

Oh, and speaking of imperfections, what the fug is going on with Padma’s outfit? As we noted, for last week’s episode she brought out the cleavage in full force, even during the Quickfire Challenge, where she wore a brown t-shirt so tight and cleavage-enhancing that we thought that, rather than any cotton garment, she was simply sporting that Mexican mole sauce slathered all over her naked torso.

But now that Martha is here, she packs the bazooms away? Why, Padma, why? Surely you don’t fear that a Martha who has been in the slammer (and a West Virginia one at that) would go from Camp Cupcake to actually craving “cupcakes,” do you? Look, Padma, Martha will make you her bitch, just not in that way.