Amuse-Biatch Begins to Fear for Self-Avowed “Metrosexual” As He Becomes Incapable of Keeping Story Straight for Even the Length of a Paragraph

As you know, possums, we've kept track of self-avowed "metrosexual" Ryan Scott's apparently less-than-firm grasp on truth and consistency. As we've noted, for example, he can't decide if he cooked in his parents' restaurant when he was eight or when he was 11, or whether he was a good cook as a child. As we've also noted, in one month he told the same media outlet two conflicting stories: that he had read the blogs and one blog had said something negative about him, and that he had not read the blogs and had any of them said something negative about them?

But we may have come across the best and most breathtaking example of all. As you will remember, on this week's episode, Ryan condescendingly said, "I'm not a big sports fan. Do I look like a sports fan? No, I'm not." Now take a look at Ryan's interview with Bravo's own "Burning Questions" blog:

Bravotv.com: California tailgate -- do you go often?
No. No I don’t go often. I’m the least sport fan you’re ever going to meet. Honestly, it’s really funny, a lot of my friends they’ll ask me, “Who are ‘Refrigerator Perry’ or ‘Lenny Dykstra?’” I mean I know I know a lot about sports -- you’re not going to find me on a Sunday sitting down going to a tailgate. I got Giants tickets last Thursday and I gave them away …. Unless there’s a lot of beer, you’re not going to get me there. I am a sports fan -- I find it great what they do. I think it’s phenomenal ….

Frankly, our head is spinning. He's not a sports fan, he's a sports fan, he's not a sports fan. Oy! It's like Jack Nicholson interrogating Faye Dunaway in Chinatown: My daughter! My sister! My daughter! My sister!

We only wish we could slap him in the same way.

Though It Requires Every Last Ounce of Self-Control, Amuse-Biatch Has No Comment, Bites Forked Tongue Hard

From Ryan Scott's March 17, 2008, interview with our pals at YumSugar:

YS: Are you worried about how you're going to be perceived?
RS: Wow. Good question. How'd Andrew answer that? [Laughs] I guess I don't care. I was myself. I'm trying not to read all the freaking blogs. People critiquing you who don't know you, or they know you and worked with you in the past. . . . I went in there and knew I was truly myself all the way through. Editing is a beautiful thing. One of the blogs said I was the bad guy. How in the hell did I come off as the bad guy?


From Ryan Scott's April 18, 2008, interview with our pals at YumSugar:

YS: Sounds good, we can't wait to hear more about this. But now we have just one last question, have you been reading the blogs?
RS: No. Why what do you want to know? Is there something one of them says?
YS: Oh nothing in particular, we were just wondering if you've been reading what people have to say about you.
RS: No, Sam recommended that I don't read them, so I haven't been. Why is there something negative I should know about?

Little Mozart of the Fryolator Keeps Getting Younger and Younger

Possums, some people just don’t know when to stop.

Take, for instance, Ryan Scott, the Little Mozart of the Fryolator, who, as we detailed, described how his father allowed him to work as a line cook for several weeks as an 11-year-old. As Ryan put it, “At 11, I jumped on the line with my father, and my dad fired two people after the first two or three weeks because I outcooked them at 11.”

As our friend, Miss Upton Sinclairol, explained, if such a thing did actually happen, it was likely a gross violation of California’s child-labor laws that might well have resulted in fines of up to $10,000 and criminal prosecution. It seemed a bit of a sticky situation, for, in his bit of braggadocio, Ryan had, it appeared, either fibbed or exposed his father as a lawbreaker.

Our opinion tended toward the former option, because other statements from Ryan in a newspaper interview suggested that the grade schooler who “cook[ed] his family crazy concoctions, like sloppy chili melts and herb experiments from the garden,” which his family would then eat out of support for him, could not also be such a competent cook, and on a restaurant line, no less, that he was the equivalent of two adult line cooks.

Now, in one of his most recent interviews, Ryan is, as he might have put it on this week’s episode, going bigger, and possibly going from the Little Mozart to the Little Munchausen of the Fryolator. To wit:

“I started at a really young age, my parents had a restaurant [this is presumably the Chubby’s restaurant franchise that, per the newspaper account, Ryan’s family ‘briefly owned’ while he was in elementary school] and I started cooking there at age 8. My parents have always encouraged and supported me, they pushed me and never discouraged me even when I made some not so delicious food.”

Ah, let’s see. So he was working in the restaurant when he was eight, rather than when he was 11 (which would make the child-labor law violations even more egregious, while seeming also to implicate his mother) and he was not competent because he made “some not so delicious food.” That seems like a blending of both our theories. At any rate, that’s quite the hat trick (or some such sports metaphor; we’re not sports fans either).

As any self-avowed “metrosexual” should know, even if you can’t keep yourself straight, you do have to keep your story that way. We look forward to the next iteration of the story, wherein Ryan will delight us with tales of how, while still in the womb, he would poach pears in amniotic fluid.