Raggaydy Andy Falls On His Sword to Make "Top Chef 3" A Reality

Well, possums, the sword was made of chocolate, and it was actually a knife, and it was made by an aspiring cheftestant, but after all these days of not posting, we had to grab your attention somehow.

At any rate, on today's edition of his blog, Bravo VP and online salonnière Raggaydy Andy Cohen shares the sacrifices he has been making for the sake of Top Chef:

Speaking of casting, I spent the weekend cooped up in a hotel by the airport in final callbacks for "Top Chef 3" and I can report that it is exactly what I wanted to be doing when it was 86 and sunny outside. Not. But despite my enthusiasm for airport-adjacent hotel-interiors, I made the very best of it.

We met over 30 amazing chefs from all over the country who all think they have what it takes to be Top Chef. I woulda thought they all would have brought us food, wouldn't you? One woman made us each chocolate knives that said "Top Chef 3". She mysteriously made them using the coffee maker in her room. I still don't get it AT ALL but I was in the restroom when she went into the nuts and bolts of how she pulled it off. I have a feeling that even if I had heard the explanation I would not get it. The knives were good though.

This was definitely the most talented group of call-backs we've culled the cast from, and it's encouraging that people that talented want to participate....

Just that those 30 or so chefs made it that far was a big accomplishment, and we're still haggling amongst ourselves about which dozen or so will make it to Miami....

Live Semi-Nude Girl!: Tonight on Bravotv.com, Padma Lakshmi Live! (Well, As Live As She's Ever Gonna Get)

Tonight at 11 p.m. Eastern, Padma Lakshmi will appear live on Watch What Happens, the webcast on Bravotv.com hosted by Bravo VP and online salonnière Raggaydy Andy Cohen, who has previously testified to Padma's powers to turn gay men straight.

Raggaydy Andy takes on all comers, whether by e-mail or telephone, to answer all sorts of questions (and if you ask nicely, he might just indulge your foot fetish while on camera).

So feel free to write or call in with questions for Padma or Andy (did the cure take? is Andy still straight? are follow-up Padma-ings required? what does Padma think of Kelly Wearstler's wardrobe on Top Design? will Padma try to outdo Kelly when Season 3 of Top Chef begins filming? will Padma sport a bikini in Miami? what are the assault laws like in Florida? will Carlos Fernandez be a guest judge? what's up with the Anna Nicole Smith stuff on Bravo? why is Tom Colicchio appearing on Top Design? would Andy advise Tom to shave his soul patch?). We know we'll be watching, if only to see whether Padma has bathed with, er, Herbal Essences; we're definitely looking forward to a totally organic experience.

The Little Dog Laughed: Amuse-Biatch Officially Denies Being the Rabid Dog That Bit Rachael Ray

Possums, we were shocked--shocked!--when we saw this report on Page Six today:

RACHAEL Ray was attacked by a dog in Union Square Park Saturday while bravely defending her pit-bull mix, Isaboo. According to the TV host's rep, "This dog came up - there was no owner in sight - and became aggressive. Rachael and some others shooed it away, but it came back and attacked Isaboo. Other dogs were involved, and Rachael jumped in and was bit by one of the dogs on the leg. A nurse was in the park and checked her out. She's fine."

We swear we had nothing to do with it. We would never have bitten her; we don't know what we might catch from her. It should come as no surprise to you, possums, that in the grand scheme of things, we are more "cat people" than "dog people," but we feel our stainless-steel hearts warming with a little doggie love after this.

And when even dogs spontaneously attack you, you know that your branding efforts have been successful. Well done, Rachael!

And Just Like That, Amuse-Biatch's Head Exploded

Can You Spot the Plump, Sundried, Overly Sweet Agoraphobe in This Picture?

Katie Lee Joel Heats Up the Purple Carpet in Oven Bag

Possums, we looked at this photograph of Top Chef's Season 1 hostess, Katie Lee Joel, taken at the recent Food Network Awards, and we shook our heads in pity.

Well, before the pity came the hunger. When we buy carnitas, the nice butcher chap gives them to us in the exact same bag that Katie Lee is wearing, and looking at her made us long for pork.

At any rate, Katie Lee, possum, it's a nice try, but don't you think it's a case of "too little, too late"? (Actually, Miss XaXa suggested that it was a case of taking a tinfoil hat to the next level, an entire tinfoil collection.)

Sure, you saw Padma Lakshmi become more popular (or talked about, which is all that matters) than you on the second season of Top Chef. You said to yourself, "What does she have that I don't?" As Yul Brynner used to talk-sing in The King and I, that...is...a puzzlement.

After all, both you and Padma have the affectless delivery and slightly glazed look down pat (as well as youth and rich, pudgy, more famous husbands). You rightfully concluded, then, that Padma's whorendous, fugly outfits gave her the edge, and you decided to campaign for your old job back.

Sorry, possum, you're going to have to do better than that outfit which is both oven bag and turkey. The wrinkling is a nice touch (makes us think of the crumpled wrappers on those hot dogs you get outside Costco), but you're going to have to do a lot more to get into the Padma league. Better luck next time.

P.S. The whole Baby Spice/Katie Holmes look is also worrying us. Call us; we can help.

SoBe(er Bong): South Beach WINE and Food Festival, Michael "Beer Bong" Midgley, Live Up to Their Names

Betty "Spice Rack" Fraser Munches (Hors D'Oeuvres, Of Course) at Bravo West Hollywood Gay Soirée

We were petting our teacup kitten this morning as we gazed at pictures of a shirtless Matthew McConaughey on TMZ.com, and a few more keystrokes took us to today's entry by the Little Beau Pepys of the Internets--Bravo VP, boy reporter, and bloggervardier extraordinaire, Raggaydy Andy Cohen. And possums, just look at what we found:

I had to run out to go to an event at the Abbey sponsored by Out@nbcu, the companywide gay organization. "Work Out" supertrainersuperstar Jackie Warner was going to be there and I had (sadly) cancelled on training with her earlier in the day and needed a hit of her before I split town.

Little did I know when I walked in that Top Chef 2's Bada-Bing Betty would be in attendance, no less in a white knit cap. I love me some of that Betty so I always like running into her. Betty reports that she is still in touch with most of the chefs from her season, especially Elia and Ilan. Her business at Grub is booming and she is best pals with her ex hubby. Bada Bing is on top of her game.

We were shocked--shocked!--that Elia Aboumrad and Ilan Hall are the two people with whom she is closest. We were as shocked as Raggaydy Andy that Betty was sporting a white knit cap. We were shocked that "she is best pals with her ex hubby." Not, of course, because she has an ex hubby to begin with, but, rather, because on her Bravo photo diary she had identified the woman at left as "Jill[,] [m]y breast/best friend!" Were we shocked that Betty--who shares the name of a band that saddled The L Word with perhaps the worst opening theme in television history--appeared in the gay epicenter of the gayest of cities at an event sponsored by the NBC Universal gay organization? Not so much.

The Completely Heterosexual Man in the White Suit: Ilan Hall Channels Dirk Bogarde, "Death in Venice," in South Beach

Our first reaction to this photograph taken at the recent South Beach Wine and Food Festival was, "Wait, isn't Sam supposed to be the metrosexual?" Our second reaction was, "Is Ilan really wearing a two-tone shirt with that suit?" Our third reaction was, "Whom was he trying to channel? Dirk Bogarde? Peter Sellers? Al Pacino? Mr. Chow?" Our fourth reaction was, "How much did the suit cost?" Our fifth reaction was, "Tom, it really is time for you to shave that soul patch. Seriously. Trust us, it doesn't work for you. Ask Frank Bruni." Our sixth reaction was, "Where's Beer Bong? We thought Ilan was going to take Beer Bong with him to South Beach." And our final reaction was, "Damn, Gail, you look good."

Completely Heterosexual Ilan Hall Laces Up His Pink Sneakers to Show Off His Whitney Houston Album and Discuss Dance Music with Time "Out" New York

In a little piece in the current issue of Time Out New York, we learn that Ilan Hall lives in the East Village, that his apartment is 300 square feet, that he owns two iPods, that he collects "mostly ’90s hip-hop albums," as in vinyl, and that he stores them vertically (or, as Miss XaXa puts it, "erect"). We also learn, as you can see from the accompanying photograph, that Ilan rolls up the cuffs on his jeans, has a penchant for pink sneakers and pink and purple album covers, and loves himself some Whitney. Finally, we learn that Ilan's father makes the turntable on which Ilan listens to music (since "[d]ance music just comes through better on vinyl"), and that he

took his girlfriend to his parents’ house on Long Island, where she was introduced to music played alternately on his father’s Linn Sundeck turntable, a prototype Music Hall MMS9.1 and a 1911 Victrola hand-cranked turntable with its own volume control. “She really liked it,” he says. “She thought it was charming.”

We just wonder whether he played for her our favorite track from that Whitney album, "How Will I Know."