I've Written a Letter to Mommie: This One's for You, Ma

I've posed for pictures with Ivory Soap.
I've petted stray dogs, and shied clear of dope.
My smile is brilliant, my glance is tender,
But I'm noted most for my unspoiled gender.

I've been made Miss Reingold,
though I never touch beer,
And I'm the person to whom they say,
“You’re sweet, my dear.”
The only etchings I've seen have been behind glass,
And the closest I've been to a bar is at ballet class.
Prim and proper, the girl who's never been kissed,
I'm tired of being pure and not chased.

Like something that seeks its level
I wanna go to the devil.

I wanna be evil, I wanna spit tacks.
I wanna be evil, and cheat at jacks.
I wanna be wicked, I wanna tell lies.
I wanna be mean, and throw mud pies.

I want to wake up in the morning
with that dark brown taste.
I want to see some dissipation in my face.
I wanna be evil, I wanna be mad,
But more that that I wanna be bad.

I wanna be evil, and trump an ace,
Just to see my partner's face.
I wanna be nasty, I wanna be cruel.
I wanna be daring, I wanna shoot pool

And in the theatre
I want to change my seat,
Just so I can step on
Everybody's feet.

I wanna be evil, I wanna hurt flies.
I wanna sing songs like the guy who cries.
I wanna be horrid, I wanna drink booze,
And whatever I've got, I'm eager to lose.

I wanna be evil, little evil me
Just as mean and evil as I can be.