Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Previews: After Tackling Gay Marriage Last Week, Top Chef Tackles the Issue of Gays (Including Seemingly Angry Lesbians) in the Military



Next week’s episode, entitled “Nature vs. Nurture,” will take on the issue of gay adoptions by allowing certain cheftestants to “adopt” another cheftestant’s Elimination Challenge dish, with the judges determining whether the results are “confused” or whether the seasoning is “well-adjusted.” Rosie O’Donnell will be the guest judge.

The following week’s episode, entitled “Three’s a Crowd-Pleaser,” takes up gay monogamy. Cheftestants will cook in teams of two, with some having the option of “opening” up their team to another cheftestant from a past season. Watch the fun as a past season cheftestant bonds with a current season cheftestant and the two put the remaining original teammate up for elimination. Eric “McSteamy” Dane and Rebecca Gayheart will be the special guest judges.  (Our onset spy related that Padma and Rebecca would constantly sneak away during filming, and when they returned to film the tasting scenes, they consumed all the food on the table, as well as the camera plates.)

Monday, August 31, 2009

Amuse-Biatch and the Exuberantly Accusatory Quiescently Frozen Treat





























We hailed, and we waited, and waited, and waited, and when the paleta vendor finally arrived, he claimed that the only paleta de leche left was this one.

“A likely story,” we harrumphed.

So, possums, what say ye? One of those little literary coincidences that flesh is heir to? Knowing accusation? Joyous exhortation in anticipation of National Coming Out Day? Or future personal motto? Possums, you decide.

Amuse-Biatch Heterosexual Monday: Padma Lakshmi Contemplates the Spillage of Golden Seed

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Not a Damned Thing About Eve






























Eve, Eve, little Miss Eve….

Oh, whom are we kidding, possums? Even channeling Miss Bette Davis, we just don’t have it in us to be cruel about the fact that Eve Aronoff was pykagged. Not even the thought of her grating accent and her klutziness can rouse us to cruelty; it would be like kicking a cat. That must mean we have some shred of conscience, empathy, humanity left, doesn’t it? Doesn’t it?

Bottom line: she had no business being on Top Chef. Her true place is back in dear Ann Arbor, or as a minor character in a Woody Allen film, one of the funny ones. That Eve should be sent home on a “Battle of the Sexes” episode where the women lose is just a touch too right.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Amuse-Biatch Tries to Keep Abreast of Gail Simmons News: Oh Google What Hast Thou Wrought?

Amuse-Biatch Homosexual Wednesday: Raggaydy Andy Cohen Takes Signature Sockless Look to a New Level, Uses Mattin Noblia's Clothing as Towel

Previews: Self-Regarding Asshole Alert (Todd English Is Back); Cheftestants Go Topless

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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Amuse-Biatch Photoessay: Mike Isabella Reveals Himself as the Lon Cheney, Sr., De Nos Jours




Amuse-Biatch Photoessay: Quaker Oats Announces Updated Aunt Jemima Campaign--She's Now White, Young, Tattooed and Pierced

The Fabio Viviani Top Chef Audition Video; Warning: Many “Beat Your Meat” Jokes Within