Amuse-Biatch Photoessay: The Ravages of Time, Hormones and Sugar; the Persistent Doucheyness of Wallet Chains and Thumbs in Pockets

À la Recherche du Lundi Hétéro Perdu: Proustian Padma Lakshmi Tries to Turn La Puente, California, Into Combray by Way of Dazed and Confused

It’s a Hanukkah Miracle! Gail Simmons a Member of the Tribe!

Mazel tov, oh fortunate Jews of the world! Behold the Lioness of the tribe of Judah!

Of course it ought not have been a surprise that radiant, lissome, buxom, leonine, McGill summa cum laude graduate Gail Simmons should be the most alluring literary Jewess since the Biblical Esther, Rebecca in Walter Scott’s Ivanhoe and Rachel in Marcel Proust’s Remembrance of Things Past. Still, it’s nice to know.

It should have been Gail judging the Top Chef holiday episode (Michelle Bernstein is simply not an adequate replacement); on the other hand, given what an abomination the episode turned out to be, it was probably for the best that Gail not be tainted by it.

So, we didn’t get Gail in the holiday episode, but now we get to watch her make latkes, courtesy of WPIX. Enjoy, possums.

New York City Possums: Wanna Have a Ball with CJ Jacobson?

Well, possums, it is Heterosexual Monday on Amuse-Biatch, and in that spirit, what could be more apropos than free beer and barbecue, music by Islands, and the company of a 6'8", "ungay" former beach volleyball player? Yes, indeed, possums, CJ Jacobson, the cheftestant cum Padma Lakshmi crush object from Top Chef: Miami is joining forces with New York Magazine to host a Highbrow BBQ this coming Saturday, August 23, in New York City (have a look at the flyer below for details). A ticket costs $25, and if you would like to purchase tickets, have a click at www.nymag.com/nyxny.

But...

We have a pair of tickets to give away. So, if you live in New York and are free this Saturday, do throw your hat in the ring.

This being a Highbrow BBQ, we figured we ought to ask a highbrow sort of question. So, what is the name of the cake or cookie that unlocks memory when dipped in tea in Marcel Proust's Remembrance of Things Past? The first person to email us with the correct answer wins the tickets; deadline is 5 p.m. Eastern, tomorrow, Tuesday, August 19. Bonne chance, possums.

Report from the Trencher: Is Spike Mendelsohn Being Sued?

We had no idea, possums, when we put out our Doug Llewellyn call, that none other than “Marcel P” himself would answer, and to tell us about a lawsuit, no less. Spike Mendelsohn being sued? And not in the People’s Court? C’est dingue! At any rate, possums, here is the entry from possum Marcel’s own Goncourt Journal of culinary sorties:


I live in the DC area and [a few nights ago] I took three of my friends to Good Stuff Eatery, Spike’s DC Burger restaurant. It is within viewing distance of the Library of Congress, on a stretch of Pennsylvania Avenue that includes many small, cute restaurants, cafes and shops. It is in a relatively affordable and residential area of DC. The restaurant is small, with two floors and a plasma TV on the second floor. When I got there at around seven PM, the restaurant was loud and crowded as people formed a long line for burgers. There is very little in the way of decoration at Good Stuff Eatery, but there is some outdoor seating.

Spike’s dad stands at the door and loves to make conversation. His enthusiasm is a little excessive; he constantly asks you if you have a menu and makes sure you know to stand in the line. He likes to talk to everyone and told me and my friends that the restaurant is being sued by DC chain Five Guys since the burger “Spike’s Five Napkin Burger” sounds too much like something they have. Spike’s dad didn’t go into details, but he said that he was delighted to be sued and hoped it would bring in publicity. He also expressed a healthy disdain for Bush and Cheney. He looked normal enough, wearing a checkered blue collar shirt tucked into navy blue pants, but his shoes were white canvas low tops with bright orange elastic across them and no laces. He said it was a new style. My friend, who does not watch reality TV, asked him if his son runs the restaurant. He proudly responded that it is his son’s restaurant and that he, his wife, Spike’s sister and Spike’s brother help too. He said that they love Washington, DC, and all of their friends live in the area, and added that they would like to open another outpost of the restaurant in the Adams Morgan area. (This is confirmed on Capital Spice.)

Spike was working at the restaurant that night. He had a team of men cooking burgers (there seemed to be one female employee), but he was not among them. He seemed to be handing out bags of food and putting marshmallows on shakes, but I don’t want to sound mean, I’m not entirely sure what he was doing, and he did seem to be hard at work there. He was wearing one of his “asshats” from the show, a plaid black and white hat with black fringe around it. He had his scruffy beard and looked exactly as he did on the show, except his nose seemed to be a bit bigger and resembled his father’s. There is a picture of him smiling on the wall of the restaurant by a quote about how he remembers his grandfather making burgers. He was moving to the loud rock music as he worked. The restaurant has almost no atmosphere and the food is served in bags with plastic plates given to you. There may be some seating outside and on the second floor, but it is more of a take-out place. The grease of the food seeps through the white bags.

I ordered the “Blazin’ Barn,” a burger that includes Asian ingredients like daikon and Thai basil. It also had carrots, mint, and a spicy mayonnaise on it. It tasted fine, but the burgers Spike and his crew are making there are really not gourmet. The burgers are small and flat, not especially juicy and rather greasy. They are not different from what you would get at another burger place, but they are not bad. They are average burgers. The “Village Fries” with rosemary, thyme and pepper are pleasant, and the ordinary fries are fine. The milkshakes are quite good because they are thick enough. The only stand-out items on the menu are the Vidalia Onion Rings. They are unusual and mild in flavor, and nicely fried, excellent and uncommon in my view. I also enjoyed the mayonnaise bar which included sriracha, chipotle, Old Bay and mango mayonnaise. It was all good, especially the Old Bay, oddly enough.

I enjoyed my meal at “Good Stuff Eatery,” but I came away a tad disappointed. I thought the menu looked promising and hoped that Spike would do a riff on burgers, using his knowledge gained from the Culinary Institute of America and from other restaurants where he worked to make a fancier burger accessible to DC residents. But there were not many twists here – it’s just a burger joint, but with a chef who has been on TV. The twists – a mayo bar, a burger with daikon and carrots, sriracha at your table – are minor and not really innovative. Good Stuff Eatery is like Spike’s pork taco in the Rick Bayless Quickfire challenge; it’s good street food, but it isn’t anything more.

In Memoriam Marcel Proust

“And suddenly the memory returns. The taste was that of the little crumb of madeleine which on Sunday mornings at Combray…my aunt Léonie used to give me, dipping it first in her own cup of real or of lime-flower tea. The sight of the little madeleine had recalled nothing to my mind before I tasted it; perhaps because I had so often seen such things in the interval, without tasting them, on the trays in pastry-cooks' windows, … the little scallop-shell of pastry, so richly sensual under its severe, religious folds….”

Swann's Way, by Marcel Proust, who died November 18, 1922, in Paris.

A.J. Liebling Quote of the Day

“Larousse defines [a madeleine] as ‘a light cake made with sugar, flour, lemon juice, brandy, and eggs.’ (The quantity of brandy in a madeleine would not furnish a gnat with an alcohol rub.) In the light of what Proust wrote with so mild a stimulus, it is the world’s loss that he did not have a heartier appetite. On a dozen Gardiners Island oysters, a bowl of clam chowder, a peck of steamers, some bay scallops, three sautéed soft-shelled crabs, a few ears of fresh-picked corn, a thin swordfish steak of generous area, a pair of lobsters, and a Long Island duck, he might have written a masterpiece.”

--Between Meals: An Appetite for Paris