Sunday, July 08, 2007

Nipples and Bits and Bits and (Naughty) Bits: Amuse-Biatch Mourns the Loss of a Reader Over a Macademic Question

Possums, our Mama said there'd be days like this, and that there's many a slip 'twixt the B-cup and the nip, but we had no idea that there would be such a day or such a nip-slip as this.

Imagine our distress, possums, when, overnight, a Not-So-Gentle Reader anonymously posted this comment:

I was told to read this blog as the "funniest thing about Top Chef" so here I am but I find, instead, a celebrity gossip column whose readers get off by speculating about a woman's nipples and a man's "hidden assets." You people are low-life creeps. One visit is quite enough.

Possums, to the extent that you are responsible for Little Sheba's reaction, we are shocked, shocked. All along, our mission has been, and we have strived, to keep you abreast of the latest Top Chef news. Our veins o'erflow with the milk of human kindness, and we have been told there is an areola of goodness 'round our heads. Tittle-tattle and tit for tat simply aren't our style. We have never sought to make mountains out of molehills. Support for the show has been our only goal. Indeed, charity and love were e'er in our bosom, and we have never nursed a grievance, but, apparently, it has been for naught. We have failed Little Sheba, but we ask for her forgiveness. Come back, Little Sheba, come back, and let us clasp you to our, well, let us at any rate clasp your hand in friendship.


hughman said...

"I will not be fooled by the use of quarter hours"

"One visit is quite enough."

- Miss Jean Brodie

Anonymous said...

Breast puns are Mother's milk to me! :)

ArtfulSub said...

Oh Gosh. I fear I'm partly responsible for this tragedy. I'll console myself with two generous scoops of toffee ice cream with a swirled-dash of pistachio. Or perhaps I'll retire to the woods and contemplate the twin fawns of a Gazelle.

I dunno. I just feel bad. Solemn. Unsolomonic.

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

Oh dear have I been sucked into a vortex of depravity again? I promise to get out my tweezers and a mirror in hopes of becoming high brow.

Ms. Place said...

How tit-ilating a thought to just let Little Sheba clasp her ill conceived notions to her heaving, nipple-less bosom and let well enough alone.