Well, possums, it seems that Hung Huynh might just be right. CPA does indeed stand for "Certified Professional Asshole," as New York Magazine reveals in outtakes from the interviews for its cover story on Bravo reality shows.
Our favorite gay cannibal, Ted Allen, discusses the underside of sudden fame as one of a quintet of America's Most Palatable Homosexuals, including the experience of being condescended to by number-crunchers:
"The most annoying, condescending thing that friends, fans, journalists, and people from my previous life would do," he remembered, "is tap me on the shoulder and say, 'Enjoy the ride.' As if the five of us weren't completely aware that fame can be a fleeting thing. It was like, fuck you. Enjoy the ride being an accountant."
Ted, possum, we hereby volunteer to act as your bodyguards, administering Britney-worthy beatdowns and blistering, Arthur-Andersen-referencing putdowns to any accountants who come within ten feet of you. Sadly, though, as Miss XaXa points out, we don't think there'll be much call for our services now that Sarbanes-Oxley is keeping the accountants off the streets. Still, if you need our services, holla.