Thursday, May 06, 2010

Choking the Bluebird: Gael Greene, Twitter and the Art of Masturbation













Possums, we are great believers in the powers of time, and just look what time has done for Gael Greene. Though scarcely four years old, her memoir, Insatiable: Tales from a Life of Delicious Excess, has gone from being execrable (and we were trying to be kind) to being a minor camp classic, and may soon be a television series.

How do you judge campiness in the case of memoir? Well, just imagine a drag queen doing a dramatic reading. Would a drag queen love it? Would it work?

We submit that, under this criterion, Insatiable qualifies. Just have a look at this passage:

“I…remember the terror and joy of discovering masturbation. I shared a bedroom with my sister….At night after lights-out, I would get my sister to sing along with me so she wouldn’t hear the sound of the bed creaking as my body rubbed against my wadded-up pajama bottoms. I did my heartrending Judy Garland vibrato as we sang ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ and then segued into a popular wartime anthem, ‘The White Cliffs of Dover,’ and its reassuring images of bluebirds flying free in a near tomorrow. Till, exhausted and satisfied, I fell asleep.”

Now, possums, take a minute to catch your breath. Let your eyes, which undoubtedly were popping, settle gently back in their sockets. That was quite something, eh?

Be honest now, possums. If you didn’t know it was Gael Greene’s story, wouldn’t you think it was the memoirs of a drag queen, and perhaps a parody of what an ur-drag queen’s childhood was like? Who else would beat the bishop while vocally impersonating Judy Garland?

As you can see, Gael Green really is Top Chef Master of Her Domain, and we urge you to get yourself a copy.

There is one another thing that intrigued us about this passage—the bluebirds. The cited Vera Lynn World War II classic famously promises that “there’ll be bluebirds over/ the white cliffs of Dover,” and “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” asks, “If happy little bluebirds fly/ beyond the rainbow, why can’t I?” Would it be unreasonable to assume that Gael Greene associates bluebirds with masturbation and sexual release? Could that be why she has taken to vigorously to Twitter?

16 comments:

doug l said...

Why not? While red is the color of passion, blue, and particularly a dark cobalt blue, is the color or erotic mystery.

Anonymous said...

ha! Great! Love it!

Anonymous said...

Why is it that all fags love Judy Garland?

Anonymous said...

genetics

Anonymous said...

not all. not by a long shot.

Anonymous said...

not all. not even close

Anonymous said...

God, straight people are worthless assholes.

Lex10 said...

one question - unrelated - is that a wig?

nikkinoodles said...

...then shouldn't the name of the show be "Top Chef Masturs??"

El Snacktator said...

El will never be able to look at Gael the same way again. El doesn't care what she does, El just doesn't want to know about it in such detail.

El Snacktator said...

El is also wondering if Gael will be judging the new Bravo show, "Top Chef Masterbates".

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cheap homes for sale said...

Gael Greene has been covering all things edible since she became New York magazine's "Insatiable Critic" in 1968. Her current commitment to New York has her writing a weekly column in the food pages, where she offers up-to-minute critiques.

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