Top Chef Armchair Psychology Shocker: Misogynist Named After a Woman!

Well, possums, could this have anything to do with it? It makes us want to call him Bella or Liz, instead of the Asshole of New Jersey.

And then, of course, in what caused much Austrian goatee stroking and cigar smoking in the television room at Withering Depths, he mentioned that the fish (hmmmm, interesting, revealing choice, nicht wahr?) on his dish was supposed to resemble the bar of soap (a nice touch) that his mother (natürlich) would stick in his mouth (ach so!) as a kid.

Was denkt ihr, possums? This couldn’t possibly have anything to do with why Bella says things like “One less old lady to deal with” and generally talks shit about women with his “foul mouth,” could it?

Nah, we didn’t think so either. He's just as asshole, pure and simple

The Love That Dared to Speak Its Nickname

We love this sexist, ageist, retrograde, epically unattractive sewer of arrogance poached, halibut-like, in insecurity and resting on a bed of braised self-loathing, whom we have dubbed, if only temporarily, the Asshole of New Jersey. Why? Because he provides the powerful opiate of immediate, visceral, justified hatred (which we sorely needed after the kind of Wednesday we had, and we suspect we aren’t alone in that). In so doing, possums, he performs a valuable service for society. In a more metaphorical sphere, he would one day die for our television sins.

Life's Ceviche and Then You Blog

Oh the thrill, possums, the thrill.

Jennifer Carroll worked at Le Bernardin for five years, and now heads another Eric Ripert restaurant, and she can’t pronounce ceviche?!? Oh the vapors, possums, the deliciousness of it all.

It made us think of that speech Anthony Hopkins recites in The Silence of the Lambs, about Jody Foster’s character wearing cheap shoes and being a well-scrubbed, hustling rube with a little taste. We know nothing about the background of Jennifer Carroll—who, to our delight, described herself as “a freakin’ bitch in the kitchen” who’s “made enough boys cry”—but something about her gives off a whiff of the trailer park. Is it the accent, her admission that she drinks too much and does stupid things as a result? Is it the way she looks perennially unkempt, or drunk, or angry, or on the verge of tears? Whatever it is, we love this hot mess, and the woman can cook. Had this been last season, we would have pegged her as the one most likely to engage in drunken hate-sex with the Asshole of New Jersey, except that this isn’t the season of Leah and Hosea, and the Asshole of New Jersey doesn’t deserve so much as a hate ass-whoopin’, much less a hate fuck.

Make no mistake about it. She may be unfamiliar with a comb, but she can handle a spatula like a dream, and will make for entertaining television. And best of all, she might just take the whole thing.