Amuse-Biatch Spelling Bee-atch: The Mistake That Wasn't

Loath though we are to admit it, possums, we are by no means infallible. We make mistakes aplenty. Fortunately, all the therapy has paid off, and we are able to acknowledge those errors.

As we have written about, last week’s episode was rife was spelling and other such mistakes. And so when we came across this—

—we said to ourselves, “Oh, another one. Poor guy! Look at how they mangled his name. Jawn?!?! Really?!?” Furthermore, his general demeanor and squeaky voice sent our gaydar to magenta-alert levels.

But we did a little checking, and possums, we were wrong. Jawn is, in fact, Jawn. As for the gay thing, it turns out he is married to renowned pastry chef Nicole Kaplan, with whom he has a couple of children.

And so, possums, we are suitably Chasteened.

Amuse-Biatch Plays Catch-Up: The Tom Colicchio Report

We've been remiss, we know. And neglectful. And cold and withholding. It's all true.

Call it a relapse.

But therapy, snark and the bottle are our solution, our version of rum, sodomy and the lash, and we intend to do our best to make up for our absence and our bender. Call this the period of $12.99 red rose bouquets from Conroy's.

First, let's catch up with the capo dei capi, the top of Top Chefs himself, Tom Colicchio, who has a lot to celebrate this week.

First, he has just been nominated for a James Beard Award for Outstanding Chef. Not too shabby. (Top Chef as a whole did well in the James Beard Award nominations. Guest judge Lee Hefter of Spago was also nominated for Outstanding Chef, the New York outpost of L’Atelier de Joël Robuchon [helmed by Marcel Vigneron's boss] was nominated for best new restaurant, the restaurant Terra [owned by Seasone One guest judge Hiro Sone] was nominated for Best Service, guest judge Wylie Dufresne was nominated for Best Chef - New York City, and guest judge Michelle Bernstein was nominated for Best Chef - South.)

Most inexplicably, and best of all, Tom will also be the guest judge on this week's episode of Top Design on Bravo, in the usual Top Chef spot, tomorrow, Wednesday, at 10 p.m. Why? Some call it synergy. Some call it cross-promotion. Others just call it wankery (and we suspect Tom's eyebrows will be saying that).

We confess to being a bit worried for Tom, though. Judge Kelly Wearstler's outfits are so hideous, so positively over the top, that as we've pointed out on Pink Navy, she has left Padma Lakshmi in the dust in the running of the Fug Cup. It's been several months since the filming of the Top Chef finale, but we fear that having to sit next to Kelly and her outfit may trigger an outbreak of Post-Traumatic Dress Disorder in Tom. We hope they have the paramedics handy on that one. And look for him to fight eyebrow duels with Jonathan Adler. Start placing bets now.