Defrosting the Hostess Cupcakes

As you may have noticed, despite our early posts on the subject, we haven't really discussed Padma Lakshmi's performance as hostess, now that we've actually seen it. There are two reasons for that, which we'll get to eventually. But keeping in mind the previous hostess, Katie Lee Joel, let's first do some comparisons, shall we?

Padma's age: 36 -- Katie Lee's age: 25.

Salman Rushdie's age: 59 -- Billy Joel's age: 57.

Age difference between Padma & Salman: 23 years.

Age difference between Katie Lee & Joel: 32 years.

Padma & Salman food-related quote:

"Get some green seedless grapes, take them off the stems and freeze them. They become like hard, little marbles. They're great to feed your lover in bed. You can imagine the rest. But use the green ones, not the red ones because the red ones stain the sheet. Just keep them in the fridge - you never know when a date is going to end up back at your place."

Katie Lee & Billy Joel food-related quote:

"There's nothing better than good sex. But bad sex?
A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex."

Sorry, Katie Lee. The advantage goes to Padma. Not to be stingy, though, Miss XaXa does praise the smart little clutch in the picture at right, all the while questioning the whereabouts of her upper lip. Come to think of it, "Smart Little Clutch" might just be a good nickname for Katie Lee.

At any rate, back to Padma. We haven't said anything about her performance on the first episode because, frankly, what performance? It's almost as if she wasn't there. We can't remember much about her other than her impeccable shoes, yet another area where she outdoes poor Katie Lee. But for that very reason, we almost missed Katie Lee, and the opportunity to make catty comments about her uncanny resemblance to another Katie, Ms. Holmes, and about her aesthetic transformation from Junior League to War Bride Chic.

Say what you will about Heidi Klum (and we have much to say, especially about her heretofore unsuspected milkmaid's giggle at Jeffrey fart jokes), she is clearly in charge at "Project Runway." Of course, it may have more to do with her being a creator and producer of the show than with any Prussian propensity for taking charge, but she keeps her two tigers, Nina Garcia and Michael Kors, on a leash. (Apropos of nothing, we were reminded of the delicious putdown from last season's "Nip/Tuck": cold, jugmental, Michael Kors-wearing ass).

But we also haven't said anything precisely because it was Padma's first show. She says on her blog that she felt like the new kid at school, and we feel it's only fair to let her get her bearings. But the amnesty expires tomorrow at 10 p.m. After that, our motto is, Hey, Marcel, wanna see our knives?