Thursday, December 28, 2006

Amuse-Biatch Spies with Its Queer Little Eye on Ted Allen














Try, if you can, to tear your eyes away from the appliqué patterns on Padma's sleeve. (If you turn your head 27 degrees to the left, stand on your right foot, and squint at Padma's sleeve, you will discover what Dan Brown and the Church have been trying to hide for millennia--that it wasn't Audrey Tautou, but Sir Ian McKellen, who was the direct descendant of Jesus, because Mary Magdalen was actually John the Baptist in drag [like Nathan Lane in The Birdcage, with Jesus taking the Robin Williams role], and that the Last Supper was served on Fiestaware, of which Leonardo Da Vinci was the first great collector).

Now focus, if you will, on the "attractively" tanned man to the left of Obama-like Top Chef mentor write-in candidate Ted Allen. Who is that man? Is it Ted Allen's boyfriend, or another character actor on Studio 60? Do tell us if you know.

6 comments:

eric3000 said...

Attractively tanned? Yuck; he looks like he's been slow roasted. And in the middle of winter! Oh, wait, it wasn't winter. Never mind. I can tell you I'm pretty sure he isn't on Studio 60.

Charlus said...

Sorry, Eric, I forgot to put quotes around "attractively" but will do so now. Have a great trip to London, you lucky bitch.

Ms. Place said...

Agree with our dear friend Eric - too orange. But his features are heavenly.

Let's hope Ted joins TC soon.

Anonymous said...

I don't know who he is, but he's not Ted's partner; he's bald and not, last time I checked, bright orange:
http://www.fabfivefans.com/photos/thumbnails.php?album=55

Anonymous said...

Ted has been essentially married for 11 years to Barry Rice, a former journalism professor and now interior designer. And that isn't him.

Anonymous said...

Ted acts disturbingly non-gay. The gay community really should take him aside and teach him the value of pastel dickies.