We swear we don't subscribe to OK! Magazine.
It just so happens that Miss XaXa nicked one from the hair salon, and we were delighted to find in its glossy, large-format pages an interview with the Clydesdale Horse of the Apocalypse, none other than our beloved multimillionaire-woman-done-wrong-by-hubby-who-loves-paying-women-to-spit-on-him, Ms. Rachael Ray.
As part of the holiday spirit, as our gift to you, Amuse-Biatch hereby presents the choicest bits from the OK! interview. It's our way of giving you all the liquor-filled chocolates in the Whitman's Sampler box. That's how much we like you, Gentle Readers. Our comments are in brackets, in bold, and in red.
Q: Do you have a dream gift?After Rachael admits that she was a cheerleader in high school, OK! comes back with the hard-hitting questions:
A: I don't want anything. I love it when my dog, Isaboo, gets a new chew toy. My family always gives me animals through the Heifer [International] organization. It's a charity where you buy tractors or animals like geese, ducks, goats or cows for villages around the world. I'll get some more barnyard animals I'm sure.
Q: Did you keep your pom-poms?[We beg to differ. Her pompoms look, per Lindsay Lohan, quite "adequite."]
A: No, I didn't keep any of it.
Q: Your husband must be disappointed![We just don't have the heart to make a joke; it's Christmas, people, give us a break.]
A: Actually, John doesn't groove on any of that stuff. [Apparently he just grooves on being spit on by possible lesbians.] On our honeymoon, I put on a
Cosabella nightie and he said, "What the hell are you wearing? Go put on your pajamas."