Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Amuse-Biatch Sweetness and Light Week, Tuesday Edition: Worshipping the Golden Calf, No Bull

We begin our week of sweetness and light with this sweet photograph of Marcel Vigneron and Top Chef Ilan Hall on the beautiful beach in our nation's newest and most beautiful state, Hawai'i. We were particularly touched by this seaside agape, this brotherly and entirely unambiguous breaking of bread and sea urchin.

We were also struck by how shapely and well-developed Ilan's calf is, how perfectly proportioned, the hint of striated muscle at the knee, and, of course, the well-turned ankle. No fatted calf for a real Top Chef. Ilan's are the limbs of a Greek kouros, and correspond to the Classical notion that beauty is reflective of virtue. Ilan's fitness to be Top Chef is thus manifested in the fitness of his calf.

Lest we fall into the Biblical sin of worshipping the golden calf, we hasten to add that our admiration is completely heterosexual. Ours is a judgment based on objective analysis of undeniable pulchritude. In other words, we're so, like, comfortable with our sexuality that we can say another straight guy has nice legs without being, like, all gay about it. And anyone who thinks ill of it is just a perv, and not going with the spirit of sweetness and light, and that's not the kind of reader we want on this blog.


Anonymous said...

I F-in love you!!!

And I'm as sweetness and light as they come!

Anonymous said...

The sweetness and light of your words is almost enough to make me not wish Ilame was sitting on an uni in that beautiful, peaceful picture.

Anonymous said...

You don't appear to understand the lesson of Aaron's Golden Calf and how to apply that lesson to today.

Further, other portions of your blog indicate you don't grasp the whole concept of idol or false-god worship.

Here's a lesson to put you on the right track.


Anonymous said...

What has Rainbow Springs done to you?
Has someone drugged your cocoa and stolen your password?
Did you order the canned baby eels at Casa Mono and become bewitched?
Breathe deep. Shake your head. Return our own Charlus.

kbryna said...

"Further, other portions of your blog indicate you don't grasp the whole concept of idol or false-god worship."

NO! you think???

thanks to this anonymous for giving me the best laugh of this week!

Anonymous said...


Not sure what is that gives you the "best laugh" about spending eternity at the foot of Satan's fiery throne.

Harry said...

Ilan Hall has a very limited culinary repetoire at best. Marcel was far more cutting edge than Ilan and stretched his limits far more than saffron boy.