It is Ash Wednesday, possums, and we were ebullient and uplifted (in that Cross Your Heart, 18-hour way) after early-morning services (we wore our charcoal YSL turtleneck in order to match the ash daubed on our forehead, but our brow was equally touched with sweetness and light).
Taking a gander at the salmon-colored pages (well, Miss XaXa says they're more pink than salmon, but pink sounds so, like, gay) of The New York Observer, and relieved that there was no article by Simon Doonan to test our post-Rainbow Springs sobriety, we were about to turn to the irreproachably heterosexual Andrew Sarris' column, when we came across a tidbit on Top Chef Ilan D. Hall, who, just in time for the paschal season, shows himself appropriately repentant, humble, and full of the new spirit of sweetness and light.
The author describes running into "an expensively but hiply dressed man in a wool-knit beanie cap, with a Louis Vuitton bag the size of a 4-year-old child" who turned out to be none other than "Top Chef conquistador Ilan D. Hall. "
After congratulating our beloved Ilan on winning, the author decided to compliment the indubitably heterosexual Ilan on his sac à main:
"Nice bag, Gucci?"
"Yeah." But it looked very Louis Vuitton.
"Look at you, buying Gucci bags right and left," The Transom gushed.
"No, it's old." But it looked very new.
We got into the elevator, The Transom first. "So what's going on with Cliff? He's not in jail is he?" Cliff is Cliff Crooks, who was ejected from Bravo for getting rough with contestant Marcel Vigneron's gorgeous mane.
"Nah, he's in his restaurant, he's doing really well," Mr. Hall said.
"Yeah!" said The Transom, angling for another high five. "That dude actually probably deserved to get his head shaved."
Then things got hot: Mr. Hall furrowed his epicurean brow. "He deserved more than that." Snap!
Already we feel sweeter and more light.