Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Ride a Cowboy, Save an Elk: Most Shocking "Top Chef" Shocker of All Time?

You know, possums, sometimes we think the good Lord is toying with us. After all, being such wicked souls, how can we possibly deserve the occasional blessings and boons that come our way? Maybe there's something to Calvinist predetermination after all?

Or perhaps we ought to turn to personal touchstone The Sound of Music (you know you've grown up and gone gay when Maria stops becoming your favorite character, you begin shamefully lusting after Rolf, and then decide you want Uncle Max and Baroness Elsa as your real parents): Somewhere in our youth or childhood, we must have done something good.

What is the cause of our musings? you may ask. Well, it's this Gothamist interview sent to us by faithful possum Jess.

During last week's episode, Brian MFMalarkey revealed that he had grown up on a ranch and had been a cowboy (and, indeed, his wife's MySpace page, before it was made private, expressed a general interest in Cowboys, and who can blame her?). Dale Levitski revealed that he had slept with a few cowboys.

But, notwithstanding the Bravo prohibition on elk loins ever meeting seafood sausage, are those two revelations connected? Has MFMalarkey become MMalarkey? Tantalizing, unanswered, and unanswerable questions left in our mind as we read this:

Dale

When the show was in New York, you were stopped over in Newark, NJ -- how did you entertain yourselves for the night?
Brian and I entertained ourselves in the hotel room together.

[!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's the sound of us getting the Top Chef slash-fiction vapors.]

Compare with this:

Hung

When the show was in New York, you were stopped over in Newark, NJ -- how did you entertain yourselves for the night?
I read the Bible.


Casey

When the show was in New York, you were stopped over in Newark, NJ -- how did you entertain yourselves for the night?
Sara and I shared a room and at first we thought would read the bible but then we saw the book about the hotel we were staying in and I read that to Sara.

Not to put too fine a point on it, possums, but if we had our druthers, we'd take chaps over chapter and verse, and the Giddyup Society over the Gideon Society. What say you?

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I thought Hung was Buddhist. I didn't know he read the Bible..... maybe he just read it to pass the time....

charmingdinnerguest said...

I have a lead to a possible spoiler from the Television Without Pity site. You will have to go to the link to be spoiled.

Bravo is selling Top Chef memorabilia, t-shirts and such. There is only one chef with his/her picture on a t-shirt. Scroll to the bottom of the page to see it.

http://www.nbcuniversalstore.com/index.php?v=nbubrvnowtopall&pagemax=all

Teighlor said...

Oh. My. God. Did Bravo just fart in my eyes, or is that a spoilin' ass t-shirt you just linked to, charmingdinnerguest???

If he wins, I'm writing a strongly-worded letter. I don't know who to yet, but someone, um, important!

hughman said...

reading the bible?

my reassurance as "worse date ever".

Anonymous said...

Dirty-minded biatches! Can't a gay guy and a straight guy spend a night entertaining themselves together that doesn't involve "bumping uglies"? Besides, the two are completely incompatible: Brian is a MFM seafood chef and Dale doesn't "shuck oysters"!