Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Just in Time for Tonight's Premiere, the Flaming Finally Begins

As you may know, possums, we rather took issue with Bravo’s tagline for Top Chef, “Let the flames begin,” and not just because it was insensitive to Mrs. O’Leary’s cow and the victims of the Great Chicago Fire, but because, with nary a Gay on the show, the tagline was patently engaging in false advertising.

We told Raggaydy Andy in no uncertain terms that he’d better work, and exhorted him to “flambé, chantez.” And giving credit where credit is due, he sho’ and at long last came through.

Pressing Project Runway winner Christian Siriano into service, Andy Cohen unpacked his (rather large, perhaps overcompensatory) knife and went gay.

Click to watch the video in its entirety, but we’ll give those of you with little patience, slow computers, or scant intestinal fortitude a précis of the oh-so-precious pensées:

Siriano tells a complex story about the workings of the oil industry and politics in the Middle East, and a fat George Clooney. Sorry, possums, just a little typo there.

Having dropped “fierce” as a catchphrase, Christian tried out another worn-out old gayitude from decades past: “for days.”

Faux-lesbian Richard Blais’ fauxhawk is “last season’s ‘hawk,” but he does love Jen Biesty’s Lady-‘hawk.

Padma Lakshmi has the skin of an Italian chain restaurant much beloved by Middle Amérique for soup, salad and breadsticks for days.

The lesbian couple? “There’s gonna be, like, hot sauce everywhere.”

Uh, no disrespect to our Sapphic sistahs, but, ewwww.


The Big Shamu said...

Me thinks someone is jealous of Christian getting to see Andy's Electric Fountain.

hughman said...

jesus, andy really camps it up with the swishes. i can only assume this isn't his "bar" MO. all edwina monsoon with the "sweeties" and hands akimbo. girl, get a dress that fits.

also. is Christian wearing a t-shirt with pockets??? later i thought it may have been a t-shirt with a vest which is so 2004.

finally, cross placement much? why didn't they have Dale on to talk about the new season? at least his fauxhawk would (awkwardly) fit in. windblown flat-ironed hair is so "i'm married to david beckam" which, uh, you ain't.

Fat Cat said...

Is it just my new "magnifying" glasses, or um, er..did Padma have some enhancement up top during the off season?

Or is she wearing a Wonderbra with the straps hiked up really tight?

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

You own New York help me close the window .

That sounds like a line Kirk Douglas would say in "The Bad and the Beautiful"

I play the Andy Cohen shower game. Everytime I see him I go take a shower.