Sunday, April 20, 2008

Amuse-Biatch Pages Dr. Freud to Analyze Self-Avowed “Metrosexual’s” Photo Captions

Possums, one of our favorite features of Season 2 was the publication on Bravo's website of the cheftestants' photo diaries, as they were a veritable mother lode of self-revelatory material just waiting to be mined and deployed.

Sadly, though, last year the photos were so small they were well-nigh unusable, but Fortune has smiled on us this year. And so we will proceed to examine the best of this season's photodiaries. The captions are exactly as the cheftestants (presumably) wrote them. Our comments are in brackets, and the interpretations are entirely up to you.

And so, let us begin with this week's ousted, self-avowed "metrosexual," Ryan Scott.

"Is this a guy or a girl? Dublin doesn't know"
[Dr. Freud merely rolls his eyes, saying, in Viennese German, of course, "This is too easy, even for me. The dog of a self-avowed 'metrosexual' in San Francisco is sexually confused, perhaps reflecting the owner's own confusion? Tell me something I don't know." Fair enough, Herrdoktor.]

"My babies"
[Herrdoktor Freud says, "Ah! What woman doesn't like to be infantilized and equated with her boyfriend's dog? No wonder Herr Scott is single."]

"Is this a guy or a girl? Dublin doesn't know"
[Oops, sorry, wrong caption. The actual caption is, "Dub & I reading my friend's new cookbook," which, frankly, is far less enlightening as a caption. Reading, eh? Is that what they call it these days? Looks more like, er, tailgating to us. Another question: In his previous appearances in the photo diary, Dublin "Dub" Scott appears to be black, white, and brown, not all black like this pooch. Had Ryan drunk so much that he couldn't even identify his own dog? Herrdoktor Freud refuses to speculate, but inquiring minds want to know.]


hughman said...

which bitch is on top?

Buzzkill said...

Much like his stories, he can't even keep his dogs straight. And I think even Dr. Freud would agree that staring longingly into the eyes of a hundred pound dog will only end badly.

Anonymous said...

This is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time! More Photo Diary Freudian Analysis please!!!