Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The Lisa Effect: Miss XaXa Turns the Other Cheek

Oh possums, and here she thought she was just going to be called fat.

Yes, indeedy, possums, Miss XaXa has discovered that she has a fan:

Dear Miss Xa Xa [sic],

I think that you should stay away from the Louboutins and save you [sic] money for an updated timepiece. You might also want to add a little color to your wardrobe and not shop the sale rack at White House Black Market for a while (black and white blouse-always v-neck-just [sic] a [sic] ever so slightly diffrent [sic] pattern). Oh darling, I almost forgot- how about updating the coiffer [sic]. Good luck- I hope to see some improvements soon. Chow! [sic]

Oh, possums, to be “read” by someone who appears functionally illiterate—the horror, the horror!

And where to start? First, a word about the “timepiece.” Miss XaXa celebrated her fortieth birthday in April, and ‘twas yours truly, possums, who in April sprang for that pricey little ‘piece as a suitable commemoration of the achievement. And now to be told, a mere two months later, that the time has run on the “timepiece”—the horror, the horror!

Of course, Miss XaXa was in hysterics—of the good kind, possums—at the realization that at least it’s a White House / Black Market employee doing the dissing. “D’you think I could use her employee discount?” she asked in between hiccups and sobs. You see, it was the very fact that she hadn’t got her outfit on sale that was most galling to the ‘Xa. The ‘ Xa is an equal-opportunity shopper and loves herself a bargain, and so the idea that just two weeks ago she paid full price at White House / Black Market for the dress is the worst insult of all. “D’you think I could get the difference back? I’d take a gift card.”

(And here we thought that “White House Black Market” had something to do with yellowcake uranium and 16 words; oh well, “diffrent” strokes for “diffrent” folks.)

One thing does puzzle us, though. What on earth is a “coiffer”? Is that like a fluffer? If so, we must get ourselves one immediately.

Oh, and while we’re at it, we should mention that the photos accompanying this post should also be considered responses to the possum who asked for XaXa cleavage and to the possum who worried that, since she never sees the dark side of the moon (i.e., Miss XaXa’s right side), Miss XaXa might be starring in her own version of the Joan Crawford weepie, A Woman’s Face. Think of it as Amuse-Biatch turning the other cheek, just for once.

UPDATE: Michelle Obama defends Miss XaXa. Watch at the 12:40 mark as Mrs. Obama confesses to getting her dress, fittingly (and fittedly) enough, from White House / Black Market.


Buzz Kill said...

You can tell TC is done for the season when you and Miss Xa Xa turn your collective attention to a troll. And an anonymous one at that.

I do like the pics though. Heterosexual Wednesday - now that's what I'm talking about.

Anonymous said...

This makes me [sic].

Anonymous said...

What!! I'll smack the living crap out of that person. No one talks about the XaXa like that.

nona said...

I think Miss Xa Xa is gorg.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Nona. And what is that timepiece? Can we get brand, price (at least MSRP), close-up?

It can be surrounded by knives and carrots so that it's 'culinary.'

Anonymous said...

What a lucky girl! So many knights in shining spandex to defend you. Wow only 40? That is a shocker. Charlus, you should have purchased a nice Mikimoto set of pearls since we never see Miss Xa Xa with any accessories, and not that horrible watch. Oh, by the way it was Miss Xa Xa hair-do or should I say hair-don't that we were referring to. Maybe some bangs to help cover that strange hair-line.

Miss XaXa said...

Darling, oh-so-very-very-anonymous, possum, I'm not just a lucky girl--I'm the luckiest girl, 40 years of strange hairline and all.

Thanks for playing. Better luck next time.

Smooches, 'Xa.

hughman said...

what's all the fuss about the watch? i like the watch. it looks like a lady's rolex.

and "anonymous", anyone with a sense of fashion worth their weight knows accessories like jewelry are so 2006. as Diana Vreeland said, "Before you go out, take one thing off." Hopefully that thing is a necklace which shortens the neck and distracts from a pleasant cleavage.

Finally, I wouldn't be caught dead in spandex. Maybe in your stereotypical gay 1982 world that's what you think (or maybe your gay friends - if you have them - are just lame) you believe that's what gay men still wear. Uh, no. Honey, I've made grown men cry, literally, for wearing spandex in my presence. Welcome to the new century. We are all waaay ahead of you.

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

Miss xa-xa looks as glamorous as ever to me. She also has another attractive quality; she is bright and entertaining.

Joe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joe said...

My culinary boner has been replaced by a traditional one.

Too far?

Kristine said...

Anonymous reminds of all the TC posters who "bitch & whine about everything," yet keep showing up. To quote Dale again, "why are you still here?"

eric3000 said...

Complaints about your watch? Is that a comment on your punctuality? Did you break someone's heart by skipping a lunch date? There is some sad story behind all this.