The Lisa Effect: Miss XaXa Turns the Other Cheek

Oh possums, and here she thought she was just going to be called fat.

Yes, indeedy, possums, Miss XaXa has discovered that she has a fan:

Dear Miss Xa Xa [sic],

I think that you should stay away from the Louboutins and save you [sic] money for an updated timepiece. You might also want to add a little color to your wardrobe and not shop the sale rack at White House Black Market for a while (black and white blouse-always v-neck-just [sic] a [sic] ever so slightly diffrent [sic] pattern). Oh darling, I almost forgot- how about updating the coiffer [sic]. Good luck- I hope to see some improvements soon. Chow! [sic]

Oh, possums, to be “read” by someone who appears functionally illiterate—the horror, the horror!

And where to start? First, a word about the “timepiece.” Miss XaXa celebrated her fortieth birthday in April, and ‘twas yours truly, possums, who in April sprang for that pricey little ‘piece as a suitable commemoration of the achievement. And now to be told, a mere two months later, that the time has run on the “timepiece”—the horror, the horror!

Of course, Miss XaXa was in hysterics—of the good kind, possums—at the realization that at least it’s a White House / Black Market employee doing the dissing. “D’you think I could use her employee discount?” she asked in between hiccups and sobs. You see, it was the very fact that she hadn’t got her outfit on sale that was most galling to the ‘Xa. The ‘ Xa is an equal-opportunity shopper and loves herself a bargain, and so the idea that just two weeks ago she paid full price at White House / Black Market for the dress is the worst insult of all. “D’you think I could get the difference back? I’d take a gift card.”

(And here we thought that “White House Black Market” had something to do with yellowcake uranium and 16 words; oh well, “diffrent” strokes for “diffrent” folks.)

One thing does puzzle us, though. What on earth is a “coiffer”? Is that like a fluffer? If so, we must get ourselves one immediately.

Oh, and while we’re at it, we should mention that the photos accompanying this post should also be considered responses to the possum who asked for XaXa cleavage and to the possum who worried that, since she never sees the dark side of the moon (i.e., Miss XaXa’s right side), Miss XaXa might be starring in her own version of the Joan Crawford weepie, A Woman’s Face. Think of it as Amuse-Biatch turning the other cheek, just for once.

UPDATE: Michelle Obama defends Miss XaXa. Watch at the 12:40 mark as Mrs. Obama confesses to getting her dress, fittingly (and fittedly) enough, from White House / Black Market.

Amuse-Biatch Answers Possum Query #2

Another possum wrote in to ask, "Where did Miss XaXa get her name?"

And here are Eartha Kitt & Bronski Beat to answer the question.

Amuse-Biatch Answers Possum Query #1

Possums, let's face it, shall we? The most recent episode was dull, dull, dull--for, oddly enough, the participants appeared to enjoy themselves more than we in the audience did.

This generally violates the rules of reality television, and left us, as you no doubt have noted, very little to work with. We are therefore turning to answer your queries and questions, possums, insofar as we are able.

Without further ado, then, let us turn to Possum Query #1: Is Stephanie Izard a lesbian?

Judging by the number of you who have inquired, the question has been weighing on your minds. Miss XaXa comes down firmly on the side of "nope, straight girl." We, on the other hand, are not so sure. Needless to say, we don't know, but all we can say is, Look at the evidence and decide.

Amuse-Biatch Presents Crouching Possum, Hidden "Dragon"

Though inapposite to what we're about to discuss, we've always loved that Biblical phrase about the lilies of the field. (Alas we must both toil and spin.) But what we especially love are the possums of the field, those hardy critters, the Amuse-Biatch readers who go out and git 'er done, then bring the toothsome morsels back to Possum Central.

One such possum is Amuse-Biatch reader J.D., a fellow blogger who, becoming the second denizen of Massachusetts to come through for us, sent us the following missive:
Great info on Hung and his past. Who knew he was from the Berkshires? That's where I'm from! I was shocked since our sleepy little community doesn't get a whole lot of press. Since I was home visiting the family this past weekend I thought it'd be a good idea to check out Hung's mom's place (he he). I am sad to report it was closed when I arrived, it opens at 4pm and I was there at 2pm. The restaurant is about 40 minutes from my house so we bagged it and called it a day. Not before taking pictures though. Thought you might like to see the place.

PS. Distraught over not being able to eat the "grilled duck breast" that sounded so delicious on their yellow pages menu, I seem to have forgone the traditional wide establishing shot of the restaurant to give you some context. It's a small place on the side of a wide road. There isn't a whole lot around, it's kind of out of the way. I did get some shots of newspaper articles hung on the inner walls. None of which, I noticed, were related to their son's run on national television. Also, being a small town, it would make sense that someone knew that the son of this local staple was about to potentially win a major reality TV competition. No one in my family was aware he was from the area, which means the local papers haven't been covering it at all. Seems weird. Enjoy the pictures.

And so you should, possums. Enjoy the fruits of J.D.'s toiling below, and click to enlarge.