Josie Smith-Malave Has a XaXa Lesson

Amuse-Biatch Answers Possum Query #1

Possums, let's face it, shall we? The most recent episode was dull, dull, dull--for, oddly enough, the participants appeared to enjoy themselves more than we in the audience did.

This generally violates the rules of reality television, and left us, as you no doubt have noted, very little to work with. We are therefore turning to answer your queries and questions, possums, insofar as we are able.

Without further ado, then, let us turn to Possum Query #1: Is Stephanie Izard a lesbian?

Judging by the number of you who have inquired, the question has been weighing on your minds. Miss XaXa comes down firmly on the side of "nope, straight girl." We, on the other hand, are not so sure. Needless to say, we don't know, but all we can say is, Look at the evidence and decide.

Koren Grieveson: Lesbian Avenger or Avenger of Lesbians?

Possums, while it’s true that the ancient Greek goddess of revenge was named Nemesis, we have a sneaking suspicion that her modern incarnation may well be named Koren Grieveson (or, as Miss XaXa put it, Grievances). For there were two who had sinned against the daughters of Sappho, the heirs of Radclyffe Hall, and by Grieveson’s hand would those Grievances be addressed.

Spike (Through the Head) had grievously sinned against Lez Girls—his outbursts against Zoi and Jen, getting Zoi booted, dropping a tomatillo that very nearly caused Lisa to break her leg at the store—and so had Dale with his vastly hypocritical and vastly entertaining attacks on Lisa for her negativity.

And now both found themselves in the bottom three of the beery, Grieveson-judged Quickfire Challenge, with Jen giggling and Lisa smiling and uttering the for-the-ages line, “Good, bitch. Have fun on the bottom.”

But, having a one-track mind, what we wondered was, Is Koren Grieveson a lesbian avenger or merely an avenger of lesbians?

We have to confess that looking at her behind the row of beer pitchers, our gaydar went, Ding, ding, ding, ding! But that is hardly conclusive.

So we did a little digging and dabbed a bit of semiotics on our wrists and behind our ears, and this is what we came up with.

Grieveson, who was just chosen by Top Chef sponsor Food & Wine Magazine as one of its Best New Chefs for 2008, is South African, and lived in Angola and Iraq. Well, that tells us nothing. And she was in the army for eight years. Ah, ding, ding, ding!



















And she’s wearing a shirt with a Padma shape-alike, and has arm tattoos. Ding, ding, ding, ding!


















And what’s this? A chain-wallet? Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, DING!

Q.E.D., possums, Q.E.D.

UPDATE: And we have a winner. Enterprising possum Heather went out and got the evidence, which is much, much better than we had dared to hope. To wit, Koren's favorite kitchen appliance is "My 15-pound sausage stuffer." (!!!) Koren listens to country music, especially the Dixie Chicks. And her "girl Frog" is a clothes designer. Project Runway, what are you waiting for? This means that, if our math is right, in just the first six weeks of this season, Top Chef has featured four out lesbian chefs. That's quite a coup.

The 12 Days of Bitchmas -- Day Six: Wayward & Biatchstein Investigate

Possums, we are all too aware that we have a reputation for being suspicious and conspiratorially minded. Eh bien, what can we do?

But remember les affaires Clippergate and Fauxmicah from seasons past, and so cut us a little slack—even if only so our tinfoil hats will fit better—and listen to the question we are about to ask about two of this season’s cheftestants.

Zoi Antonitsas and Jennifer Biesty:












A couple of lesbians?

















Or a lesbian couple?

Let us examine the evidence, shall we?

We knew from AfterElton.com that, although there are no openly gay male cheftestants this season, “there are lesbian contestants.”

Then we came upon this story, which contains the following statement: “In the case of this season’s Top Chef, there’s a the [sic] lesbian couple - who don’t really shock anyone since there are plenty of lesbians in the restaurant industry.”

Curious, n’est-ce pas?

We happened onto Jen's MySpace page, which, as you can see from the screencap below, states that Jen is a lesbian and is in a relationship. Among her MySpace friends, none other than Zoi holds the prime spot.

















Curiouser and curiouser, non?

Zoi's profile status is set to private, so we were unable to find anything there. However, both Bravotv.com and Eater SF confirm that Jen and Zoi reside and work in San Francisco.

And then, rooting around Jen's MySpace page, we found what would seem literally to be the clincher, the photo of them posted above, in which they appear to be an adorable couple. Is it conclusive evidence? Perhaps not. But we're not honorary lesbians for nothing; our 'dar is a-tingle.

If these two are indeed a couple, Zoi--who in the photo reminds us of our favorite, and now-deceased, character on The L Word, Dana--is a lucky gal. Though her spelling isn't the best, Jen has excellent taste in literature; Jeanette Winterson and Sarah Waters are two of our favorites, and Corby Kummer of The Atlantic Monthly is a superb food writer.

Our worry is that, if true, this smacks of stunt casting on Bravo's part. It would certainly be a novelty to have a couple competing on a Bravo reality show, but it does bring all sorts of complications. Bravo senior vice president Raggaydy Andy Cohen, a well-known fan of The Amazing Race, which does just this sort of thing, has previously gone on the record to reiterate Bravo's prohibition against contestants "doin' it" with each other, for fear of STDs and liability. But does this prohibition extend to preexisting couples? Or are the producers counting on LBD? (Ask a friendly neighborhood Sapphist to explain that to you, possums.) Either way, is it fair? And what about the strain of such a brutal competition on the couple? And what about the rigors of competing against each other, rather than, as on The Amazing Race, against other teams? Oy, what a tangled web.

Still, as Jen's favorite, Jeanette Winterson, might have put it, it's a good thing that Jen and Zoi are around, because on this season of Top Chef, oranges are the only fruit.