Tom Colicchio Refuses to Give Us a Watered Down Version of “Say Bitchay”

Possums, we just hate it when others are bitchier than we; it makes us feel like we’re not living up to our name. But when Tom Colicchio does it, it doesn’t bother us at all, especially when it seems he is reading our mind:

The only thing I didn't like about this challenge was the voting power invested in the young culinary students, who, I'm afraid, tended to vote personality over palate….Also -- Top Chef All-Stars? It might be a stretch to say so: Some didn't make it more than half-way through their season's competition. Andrea was eliminated not once but twice, and not one of the members of the “All-Star” team made it to their season's finale....

Exactly, possums. Still, who knew bears could meow?

In Honor of Team Rainbow, “Prop. 8 – The Musical”

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

UPDATE...Christian group to "rotund" Jack Black: Jesus Wasn't Fat!!

Report from the Trencher

On Saturday night, Miss XaXa, much like Marie Antoinette, girded her loins, stepped into her peep-toe Mary Janes, and headed for The Chopping Block. Fortunately, possums, she lived to tell us all about it.

The Chopping Block played host to a Top Chef cook-off between Season 3’s Dale Levitski and Season 2’s Josie Smith-Malave, with Ted Allen as a judge and Nick Verreos of Project Runway as master of ceremonies (Joel Grey has nothing on him). The cook-off was a fundraiser for a charity that is near and dear to our hearts, the Gender Public Advocacy Coalition, an organization devoted to ensuring that classrooms and workplaces are safe for people who don’t conform to gender type—and so that middle school boys don’t get murdered by their classmates.

Uncle Ted was impossibly svelte—wait, this man is a food critic?—and looked as though he’d just come from the spa. Uncle Nick had flawless skin—in fact, as Miss XaXa put it, “Bitch [the highest compliment we can pay] had the best skin of any man I’ve seen.” She suspects it’s that unbeatable genetic combo of Greek and Venezuelan ancestry, but we’re convinced there has to be more and want to know the name of the brujo who does his limpias, or the location of the pool where he does laps in Crème de la Mer. Josie was, as Miss XaXa, related, “a blast! Television did not do that woman justice.” As for Dale, you know all too well, possums, that we campaigned and lobbied for Dale as fan favorite, and dammit, he wuz robbed. We’re looking forward to trying his restaurant when it opens in Chicago, and for the record, he’s even brawnier and hunkier in the very solid flesh. As you can see from the pictures, a very good time indeed was had by all, and the entire evening was GenderPACked with fun.

Hair Wars and a Hair Peace: It's a Mothereffin' Cook-off!

Josie Smith-Malave Has a XaXa Lesson

Chicago Sighting: I Saw a Man, He Dined with His Wives

Ah, possums, Chicago, Chicago, that toddlin' town, where the man sighted (LTH Forum via The Chicago Reader) was none other than Marcel Vigneron. The three women with him were not his wives ("Wrong gender, dude!"): Sandee Birdsong, Josie Smith-Malave, and Tiffani Faison. Holy Lesbian Triple Threat!

According to the sighting, Marcel and the Dreamgirls were spotted last Friday at Frontera Grill "with stage makeup on." Furthermore, Marcel "is growing some type of weird Abe Lincoln meets Hobbit-type beard." (There's a joke in there, possums, about Marcel, three lesbians, and beards, but "Marcel is gay" jokes are trop last season for us, and so we desist.) At any rate, what this means, possums, is that it looks as if Season 4 has already begun filming, well before next week's Chicago-based live reveal. If any of you Chicagoan possums catch sight of a stray cheftestant or two, wield those cell-phone cameras and drop us a line.

Breaking News: Josie Smith-Malave Attacked, Gaybashed, Spat On

For once, possums, we don't have a snarky thing to say.

Josie Smith-Malave, the cooking world's most affable lesbian (sorry, Sandee Birdsong, you're a close second; and Tiffani Faison, you're a brilliant cook, but affable, not so much), was reportedly attacked over the weekend on Ilan Hall's native soil, Long Island.

According to a report, Josie "was among a small group of women asked to leave a Sea Cliff, Long Island[,] bar over Labor Day weekend," after which "about 10 young people followed the women out and began screaming anti-gay slurs, spitting on them and beating them....[T]he women, who were on Long Island to attend a friend's birthday party, suffered bruises, and one received injuries to her head. One of them had a camera taken in the attack."

Our best wishes go out to Josie and her friends, and we hope authorities (or lesbian avenger Jodie Foster in The Brave One) get the fuckers.