In Honor of Team Rainbow, “Prop. 8 – The Musical”

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

UPDATE...Christian group to "rotund" Jack Black: Jesus Wasn't Fat!!

Besos and Breakfast at Tiffani's?

Deep in our pal Lesley's in-depth Eater LA report on the American Wine & Food Fest in Los Angeles lies a little tidbit, buried like a bit of Cabrales inside a bacon-wrapped date, that caught our attention, a brief mention of possible Top Chef Sapphic love:

At the [Todd English at Olives] table was Chef Katie, who we're told might be an opening chef of Beso. Fun fact: She won PBS' Top Chef-like Cooking Under Fire, hosted by English. Katie's rumored to be dating Tiffany, Season 1 runner up of Top Chef. Tiffany spotted in crowd on Saturday. Full circle.

Now, possums, let's unpack this a little bit. First, in addition to hosting the PBS show, Todd English, the renowned and famously attractive chef from Boston, is one of the tasting judges on Wednesday's finale of Top Chef. Beso (which means "kiss" in Spanish) is the L.A. restaurant in which Eva Longoria is said to have some involvement. Katie is Katie Hagan-Whelchel, and Tiffani "I'm not your bitch, bitch" Faison needs no introduction to Top Chef fans.

Once upon a time, and a very long time it was, we were named an honorary lesbian, and at that time, we no doubt would already have been au courant. Alas, times have changed, and so we did a little work.

We turned, naturally, to Tiffani's MySpace page, and look what we found.

Tiffani lists herself as a lesbian (we remember her once calling herself a bisexual, and referring to a boyfriend with whom she made Krispy Kreme bread pudding, but we suppose she has seen the error of her ways), and lists herself as being "in a relationship." Very interesting.

One of her "top four" friends is "Katie," who looks an awful lot like Katie Hagan-Whelchel (KHW), and who, like KHW, hails from Louisville, Kentucky. And wouldn't you know it? "Katie" also lists herself as a lesbian and as being "in a relationship." And the self-same Katie left a message on Tiffani's page on September 14 that reads, "you are the sexiest rilla ever."

We very nearly blushed when we read that. It's so...well, sweet, and the thought of Tiffani happily in love tickles us pink. If Dale Levitski's theory of sex and food is correct, just think of how much better Tiffani's already superb cooking must be.

However.

There is one thing that worries. It's that "rilla" reference. We haven't the benefit of Alice Pieszecki's expertise, but we hope it's not short for "gorilla" and that it doesn't refer to hirsuteness. Remember, lesbian soeurs, just because you follow the siren call of Sappho need not mean that Nair is not your friend. Think about it.

At any rate, if it's true, we wish the happy couple much love and much cooking in Martika's kitchen.

Chicago Sighting: I Saw a Man, He Dined with His Wives

Ah, possums, Chicago, Chicago, that toddlin' town, where the man sighted (LTH Forum via The Chicago Reader) was none other than Marcel Vigneron. The three women with him were not his wives ("Wrong gender, dude!"): Sandee Birdsong, Josie Smith-Malave, and Tiffani Faison. Holy Lesbian Triple Threat!

According to the sighting, Marcel and the Dreamgirls were spotted last Friday at Frontera Grill "with stage makeup on." Furthermore, Marcel "is growing some type of weird Abe Lincoln meets Hobbit-type beard." (There's a joke in there, possums, about Marcel, three lesbians, and beards, but "Marcel is gay" jokes are trop last season for us, and so we desist.) At any rate, what this means, possums, is that it looks as if Season 4 has already begun filming, well before next week's Chicago-based live reveal. If any of you Chicagoan possums catch sight of a stray cheftestant or two, wield those cell-phone cameras and drop us a line.

Breaking News: Josie Smith-Malave Attacked, Gaybashed, Spat On

For once, possums, we don't have a snarky thing to say.

Josie Smith-Malave, the cooking world's most affable lesbian (sorry, Sandee Birdsong, you're a close second; and Tiffani Faison, you're a brilliant cook, but affable, not so much), was reportedly attacked over the weekend on Ilan Hall's native soil, Long Island.

According to a report, Josie "was among a small group of women asked to leave a Sea Cliff, Long Island[,] bar over Labor Day weekend," after which "about 10 young people followed the women out and began screaming anti-gay slurs, spitting on them and beating them....[T]he women, who were on Long Island to attend a friend's birthday party, suffered bruises, and one received injuries to her head. One of them had a camera taken in the attack."

Our best wishes go out to Josie and her friends, and we hope authorities (or lesbian avenger Jodie Foster in The Brave One) get the fuckers.