Hair Wars and a Hair Peace: It's a Mothereffin' Cook-off!

Talde So: Buddascotch Buddakan’t

In a surprise move, Dale Talde, a sous-chef at Buddakan and our would-be Butterscotch Stallion, revealed himself a Butterscotch Pony, got Buddascotched and rode off into the sunset crying butterscotch tears.

Short, Baby-Faced Asian Feels Need to Compensate for Self-Hatred by Citing Fear of Cannibalism, Becoming Raging Asshole, Doing Douchey Dance Moves

Poor, poor, poor Dale Talde.

You see, possums, he feels that life, unfair bitch that she is, has saddled him with many disadvantages: "I'm Asian, not the tallest dude in the world and I look like I'm 12."

Add to that the fact that, as Miss XaXa once put it, Dale suffers from "a case of gayface so pronounced that it might as well appear in a medical textbook," and you really have to pity the poor chap. You might even begin to understand the whiff of self-hatred.

So how does he compensate?

Well, look at the testimonials:

"I work w/Dale from Buddakan and he is one of the the rudest, most evil people I have ever worked w/. To date, 4 servers have quit b/c of him, and he has made countless others break down in tears...."

"Dale is the definition of brilliant talent who's totally nuts. I have never worked w a more temperamental chef, and finally had enough of his moods that I walked out mid-shift. Anyone know why brilliance in the restaurant world is so often coupled with crazy and mean?"

He himself says, "I have no off button."

And yet, we must confess ourselves a little disappointed. All we've seen are the gayer-than-gay surly lip-pursings and belt-buckle grabs that would get him "read" or laid, depending on the kind of gay bar it is, and, of course, the douchier-than-douchey dance moves during the opening credits of Top Chef, which, if there is a God, Dale will never live down.

Well, it's true that there have also been a few bleeps, and a little garnishing of bear droppings with pecorino and blame. But that's not much to go on.

Would the self-hating, overcompensating, gayfaced, raging asshole please step forward?

“Top Chef” Shocker: Gay Cheftestant Caught Thinking Outside the Buns

Yes, possums, 'tis true.

As Dale Levitski reveals in this otherwise innocuous interview, in addition to being chased down the street by everyone whose boyfriend he is supposed to be, he has been caught in a den of sin:

"I pretty much get recognized every where I go... I guess I'm a pretty recognizable person." Dale, who admits to very rarely cooking for himself, said his popularity has gotten him into a bit of trouble. "I got busted at Taco Bell twice... this girl said, 'You can cook better than this!'"

So you see, possums, Dale, in the end, is a not-so-secret Taco Belle.

"Well," said Miss XaXa, "isn't that what he would be anyway if he married you?"

We declined to answer, other than to affirm, "Yo quiero Taco Dale," and to warn, "He'd better not be seen anywhere near your chalupa." There is, after all, a difference between thinking outside the bun and, well, never mind....