Friday, March 28, 2008

Short, Baby-Faced Asian Feels Need to Compensate for Self-Hatred by Citing Fear of Cannibalism, Becoming Raging Asshole, Doing Douchey Dance Moves

Poor, poor, poor Dale Talde.

You see, possums, he feels that life, unfair bitch that she is, has saddled him with many disadvantages: "I'm Asian, not the tallest dude in the world and I look like I'm 12."

Add to that the fact that, as Miss XaXa once put it, Dale suffers from "a case of gayface so pronounced that it might as well appear in a medical textbook," and you really have to pity the poor chap. You might even begin to understand the whiff of self-hatred.

So how does he compensate?

Well, look at the testimonials:

"I work w/Dale from Buddakan and he is one of the the rudest, most evil people I have ever worked w/. To date, 4 servers have quit b/c of him, and he has made countless others break down in tears...."

"Dale is the definition of brilliant talent who's totally nuts. I have never worked w a more temperamental chef, and finally had enough of his moods that I walked out mid-shift. Anyone know why brilliance in the restaurant world is so often coupled with crazy and mean?"

He himself says, "I have no off button."

And yet, we must confess ourselves a little disappointed. All we've seen are the gayer-than-gay surly lip-pursings and belt-buckle grabs that would get him "read" or laid, depending on the kind of gay bar it is, and, of course, the douchier-than-douchey dance moves during the opening credits of Top Chef, which, if there is a God, Dale will never live down.

Well, it's true that there have also been a few bleeps, and a little garnishing of bear droppings with pecorino and blame. But that's not much to go on.

Would the self-hating, overcompensating, gayfaced, raging asshole please step forward?


Anonymous said...

"A case of gayface so pronounced that it might as well appear in a medical textbook" - now thats funny. Sad but funny.

hughman said...

what is it with the gaysians on Top Chef? overcompensating and arrogant. Freud much?

in the opening credits he dances like a drunk straight girl who has her purse sitting on the dancefloor in front of her.

Anonymous said...

I think Dale's hot. And isn't so screwed up that tall, beefy, gay Lithuanian Dale from last season was recognized for his hotness, even though he acted kind of like a douchebag at times? And by the way, folks, Hung won!

hughman said...

"I think Dale's hot".

uh... ok.

"tall, beefy, gay Lithuanian Dale"

tall? lithuaniian? crush much?

"And by the way, folks, Hung won!"

yeah, he won. he was a real crowd pleaser, that one. all everyone could talk about was how humble he was and how much everyone liked him. *cough*.

when you get back to Planet Earth, let us know.

Anonymous said...

Dale might be a douchebag...but the douchebag might just take it all the way...

now if you're really watching the know the boy can stop hating...the gaysian douchebag you're talking about is going far...and he should slap you in the face when he does!

Meeg said...

Hung and Ilan were both the hugest douchebags. Maybe that's a requirement for winning Top Chef. My money is on Richard though for the win (he certainly wouldn't disprove the douchebag theory).

Anonymous said...

Dale is totally hot. Hung was cute, but Dale is smokin'. I love that dance that he does.