Spike Mendelsohn Needs a Hand Job from Someone "Willing to Get Down and Dirty"

In what sounded to us at first like an ad from Craiglist's M4M section, Spike "Asshat" Mendelsohn is soliciting someone to help him during the Burger Bash at the 2009 Food Network South Beach Wine & Food Festival, an event hosted by none other than Rachael Ray. Just imagine it, possums: Rachael Ray, Spike, and his fedora and scruff, in the same room, at the same time. Wasn't there a plot point in Lost about preventing this exact confluence of events from taking place, lest the earth rotate off its axis and implode from such concentrated annoyance? (Of course, it should be no surprise that Spike got the date wrong; it's actually taking place tomorrow, February 19, and not March 19. But perhaps that is the earth's way of saving itself; if Spike shows up in March rather than tomorrow, maybe the apocalypse will be averted.)