Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Amuse-Biatch and the Issue of Prejudgment Interest

Oh, possums, how our nonexistent little hearts have fluttered for weeks each time we heard the Bravo announcer jauntily intone, “From the producers of Top Chef….”

It’s just the sort of clarion call to which our hearts have previously responded. Indeed, who among us hasn’t experienced an expectant swoon upon hearing, “From the makers of Metamucil” or “From the producers of White Chicks”?

And so it is with great delight that we awoke today, knowing that tonight is the premiere of I’m a Celebrity Chef (I Wish!), Get Me Out There….

Ah, just a minute, possums, Miss XaXa is pointing to the press release and mouthing something. It appears the show is actually called Top Chef Masters.

Dang it, we think there ought to be a colon in there, the way there has been for Top Chef: Miami, etc. After all, without the colon, the show’s title seems redundant (if they’re top chefs, they’re also masters, n’est-ce pas?) or misleading (if they’re supposed to be the masters of Top Chef, then that arguably means only Harold Dieterle, (God spare us!) Ilan Hall, Hung Huyhn, Stephanie Izard, and, ahem, Hosea Rosenberg). And so, for as long as we’re blogging the show, we’re going to call it Top Chef: Masters. (See, possums? 90 days have not done away with our streak of pedantry.)

Not having seen the show, we will, for the next several hours, withhold judgment. We will admit, though, that there are troubling signs. The reviews we’ve read have focused on what a kinder, gentler version of Top Chef this is. No liquor, no bunk beds, no nookie, oy vey. Indeed, the New York Daily News refers to Top Chef: Masters as a “wade in the kiddie pool” (and means it as a compliment!). What has the world come to?

As for the replacements for Tommy, Pads, and the gang, well, we will know in due time (though we think it most unsporting and, again, potentially misleading, that the original teasers for Top Chef: Masters contained no indication that the Gang of Four would not be back in their roles). We will say this, though, based on the video below. Kelly “Padma Lite” Choi seems far too nice for the job. Dare we say we will miss the Pads, who can go from cannabimbo to ice princess in the flip of her Pantene’d locks? (Hey, we’re not knocking her Pantene gig; how else are you going to wash the smell of a Carl’s Jr. burger out of your hair?)


Apparently, Top Chef: Masters will be a “tournament-style” competition (we’re told by reliable jocks that this has something to do with the sports world) in which the 24 chefs (some of whom actually qualify for the title of “master”) will do their darnedest to score some scratch for charity while trying to prevent their (in some cases incipient) television careers from taking a hit. With that in mind, we have as of now established but one ground rule: We will not make fun of anyone’s chosen charity. Not, of course, because we’re incapable of it, but, rather, because who the hell wants to tickle the bony ankles of bad karma In Times Like These? As for everything else, it’s fair game. Gird your loins, luvs.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Personally, I kind of liked it. Its for charity and certainly a lot of fluff, but because these guys either know each other or know of each other, and don't live together, there's no personal b.s. They cook, thet celebrate and complain together. It was fun.

What I liked was that these guys didn't complain about the challenges. None of this "I'm a chef, I won't cook in a microwave". No sink? Use the shower. No compliaints, just admiration for the creativity.

Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed this show. I loved the candid moments with the chefs - Hubert not being able to navigate a grocery store, that Texan mistaking the freezer for the fridge. The challenges were interesting too - I think it's an interesting switch to have the expert judges really see what it's like on the other side of the judges table. I am hoping that the femal host loosens up a little - at least she's not as robotic as Katie Joel.

Buy Annuity said...

I have become a great fan of your blogs!!

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

I loved it.

Anonymous said...

Where are you guys!? It's almost time for another episode and you haven't even done a spot on the first episode!

Anonymous said...

I, too, enjoyed the first episode, but I'm definitely missing Amuse-Biatch's insights. I know there's no Padma, but I'm pretty sure you'll find a way to compensate.

Anonymous said...

Helllooooooo... If you're not going to post about TCM, how about a story about the impending divorce of the Joel Bot?

sixgables said...

I've enjoyed these two episodes. It's a different critter, though, than Top Chef. Less drama, for sure. But I've enjoyed the camaraderie among the chefs--they appear to be having fun, which is nice to see.

That Choi woman, though...I have never seen a live human look more like a bobble head. How do the chefs resist the urge to gently whap her in the head to watch it bobble about? This doesn't seem like the place for her. I think she's better suited to...HGTV maybe. Too perky. Perhaps Padma could pass the pipe and help a sistah out.

Anonymous said...

sixgables, I couldn't have said it better myself.

Kelly Choi?? Oi!

Andy should brush up on his host hiring skills! Jesus, what are her credentials to host this show anyway??

Anonymous said...

COME BACK!!!

Megan said...

Please come back! I just discovered your blog halfway through Season Five, and read every single archived entry within two days. I'm dying to see what you have to say about Top Chef: Masters.

notjustamum said...

We miss you! Please come back

Anonymous said...

why did you leave us?

WHYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyy...

Ashley F said...

Ok, slightly off-topic, but has anyone seen Tom Colicchio's True Blood spot? He gives vampires a recipe for an 'elixir' to serve to humans at dinner parties.

Sort of awesome.

Anonymous said...

Amuse-Biatch: And we're back!

*4 episodes later and no blog updates*

Amuse-Biatch: Fooled you!
Fellow bloggers and followers: Who said that? They back! Again!

Amuse-Biatch wannabe revealed: Just kidding... they're not back. I miss them.

Vic said...

Love this show. No infighting; just a concentration on good cooking and respect for each others' work. This does not make for lively television, but it sure is fun to watch.