Amuse-Biatch Heterosexual Monday: If You Want No More Bodies, and You Think We're Sexist, Come On, Possums, Let Us Know

Casey Thompson Kicks Off Her Beaver Boots, Finds Jesús

Possums, why, oh why, is Dallas such a magnet for mystery? Indeed, to our way of thinking, Dallas claims the top two spots on the list of Greatest American Mysteries: 1) Who shot J.R.? and 2) Who shot JFK?

And to that list we must add number 3, What, we say, what are Beaver Boots?

This was a mystery raised by none other than Miss Casey Thompson herself on her MySpace page, which we were wont to visit in order to muse on the photographic evidence of her various experiments with peroxide, her failures at staying within the lines when applying lipstick, and her consorting with individuals very much given to making hand gestures that we--cultural naïfs that we are--could never quite pin down as having been misappropriated from rap videos on MTV, expressing allegiance to Satan, or simply indicating unwavering love for a Texas university.

It was on her MySpace page that Miss Thompson designated herself "Beaver BOOTS," and it was to you, possums, that we turned for enlightenment (particular thanks to the Amuse-Biatch reader who sent us the trucker dictionary; most enlightening). We also mused on Miss Thompson's desire to meet Jesus "hopefully one day," theorizing that "judging by the photos on her MySpace page and by the city she lives in, it looks like she might already know somebody named Jesús."

Imagine our surprise, then, when yesterday we went to look at the picture where she puffs out her poitrine in a raspberry-colored top (as Miss XaXa put it, remembering the onion-dicing challenge, "She may not be good with a knife, but her surgeon certainly is") and found that the little minx has tauntingly replaced her wallpaper with one of cherries, and that Miss Thompson's "Beaver BOOTS" designation is now gone. Instead, Miss Thompson says, "I do know Jesus! Jesus is my homeboy..!"

Miss XaXa's first reaction was to ask, "People still use 'homeboy'?"

We had to agree that, at least in California, "cholo" would be a better term, but "Jesus Is My Cholo" doesn't sound as mellifluously ready for bumper stickers on SUVs in the parking lot of Joel Osteen's megachurch as "Jesus Is My Homeboy."

Well-done, Casey, possum, on finding Jesus the same week that Michael Vick did; although, we must say, yours looks like a distinctly more personal Jesús. Now we shall never know what Beaver Boots are, but no doubt Jesus prefers it that way.