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Every time we swear that we are not writing about Rachael Ray again for a while, and are going to go back to discussing all things Top Chef, something comes up.
But this time we mean it. Seriously, this is the last Rachael Ray post for a while.
Still, attentive and responsive as we are to our readers, we couldn't ignore the charges that we are mistaken about Rachael Ray having "large bazooms."
In our defense, we should say that, given our, er, proclivities, we have no "hands-on" experience with bazooms, large or otherwise (except for that brief postnatal interlude when they were merely a pair of nourishing spigots). We're also terrible at parallel parking, so perhaps our depth perception isn't all it could be. (And you may not know this, but gay men's retinas are stamped with a warning similar to that on sideview mirrors: "Objects are smaller than they appear on the Internet." So perhaps we didn't pay heed.)
And yet, judging by the floating montage of Rachael Ray adipose chest-growths above--it's sure to give us nightmares, though it's more like a Fellini wetdream by way of Magritte--they look large enough to us.
Nonetheless, we will defer to the more practiced eye of our readers (not that we would want to chance a closer inspection of the bazooms in question), and have corrected our post accordingly. In a way, getting rid of the adjective makes our point all the better.
However, this does raise the worrying (and Top Chef-related!) possibility that we've been mistaken all along about Betty Fraser, and that she doesn't deserve the moniker "Spice Rack." What say ye? Do our homophilic eyes deceive us?
And before we start handing out the lumps of coal, we are only too willing to acknowledge when Padma's been good.
We were so taken aback two weeks ago by Padma's beachside bikini-and-Ugg-boots combo during the episode that Bravo entitled "The Raw and the Cooked" (ooh, how Lévi-Strauss of them!), but which we dubbed "Brahs Before Bras," if not "Bros Before Hos," that we forgot to discuss her outfit during the Quickfire Challenge.
It's a shame, really, because, contrary to what the stalwart Anon47 and others would have you believe, we do believe Padma is capable of looking good. It's just that she so often chooses not to.
We admit, we had reservations when she first appeared on camera during this Quickfire Challenge. When we saw the beginnings of the pink top, we thought, Oh no, not one of those damned, unflattering pink tops again (see our earlier posts on The Good, the Bad, and the Fugly).
But as the camera panned down, our fears were alleviated. The top fit well and was sexy without being vulgar. She paired it with a long skirt that while not shout-it-from-the-rooftops chic was at least unobjectionable. Best of all, and what made the outfit, was the "ethnic" belt (we didn't get enough of a close-up to determine with any certainty whether it was more Masai than masala, but whatever its provenance, it worked). So, well done, Padma!
(We choked a little, as on a hairball, but Miss XaXa patted us on the back, "There, there, darling, it'll be alright, you can say something nice from time to time. Now try saying one more nice thing; I'll hold your hand.")
We blanched, but gritted our teeth. Alright, here goes nothing.
On the same episode, during the Quickfire Challenge, Padma smiled, and she was animated, and pretty. Was it finally wearing a proper bra, as Oprah and the Today Show would have you believe? Was it standing next to Chef Raphael Lunetta, as a purring Miss XaXa would have you believe? Was it that she is finding her stride, as the Bravo producers would have you believe? Well, whatever it was, it was welcome, and charming.
(There, are you happy now, Miss XaXa?)
Nonetheless, we will defer to the more practiced eye of our readers (not that we would want to chance a closer inspection of the bazooms in question), and have corrected our post accordingly. In a way, getting rid of the adjective makes our point all the better.
