Showing posts with label Britney Spears. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Britney Spears. Show all posts

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Sweetness & Light Thursday: Amuse-Biatch "Accentuates" the Positive











Oh, go on, possums, you knew this was coming.

Oh, possums, never have we been so glad to see a Thursday. Just one more day of sweetness and light! Britney, gurl, we know how you feel. Many is the time we've been tempted to flee Rainbow Springs, when the demons of biatchery have beset us, but keep your Promises, Brit-Brit, and Promises will keep you.

At any rate, this being Sweetness & Light Week, we come here not to bury but to praise. We start with our charmingly accented Elia Aboumrad. Not only is she possessed of delightful accent, she also is a trendsetter and a fashion leader. If Elia hadn't done it first, there is no doubt in our minds that Britney would not have done it. Amuse-Biatch, Perez Hilton, Us Weekly, TMZ, Kevin Federline, KFed's attorneys, Lindsay Lohan--we all owe you a debt of gratitude, Elia. Not only that, you also offered Britney, who is near your age, the perfect defense. As you said, if you don't shave your head now, when? Also, your wig is much better than Britney's.


Ah, there. We feel not only sweeter, but so much lighter, almost as if we'd shaved our heads.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Amuse-Biatch Presents Random Wisdom for the Ages





















Apropos of exactly nothing, and because Top Chef material is running a little thin after two weeks of no new episodes, and because our mission statement gives us wide latitude in matters of taste, and simply for the hell of it, we present the two most striking bits of “wisdom” we've come across in our reading this week.


Advice for Britney Spears and Other Single Women from Illeana Douglas:

“Never date a man with a loft bed. It’s impossible to look sexy getting into it.”
Harper's Bazaar, January 2007

Advice for Kevin Federline and Other Babydaddies from Samuel Pepys:

“He that doth get a wench with child and marries her afterward, it is as if a man should shit in his hat and then clap it upon his head.”
Pepys' Diary, October 7, 1660