Poor Trail-“Blazering” Rocco DiSpirito Was Beaten Up by Hooligans as a Kid; Now That He’s 42 (!!), He Gets Beaten Up by Bloggers and Chefs

You’re in luck this morning, possums. The New York Times has published a delicious, bitchy, Schadenfreude-laden rum ball of an article on Rocco DiSpirito. Giggle or shake your head in sadness as you try to decide whether Rocco is trying to convince himself and people that he’s shallower than he is, or was once trying to convince himself and people that he was deeper than he really was.

Our favorite bit, though, is the emblematic disconnect between Rocco’s statements and his fashion statements. In the article, Rocco says, “I was the kid in the maroon blazer on the way to Presentation of the Blessed Virgin Mary Catholic school, in between one gang and another gang, and it was like, How did I want to get beat up today?” And so, of course, on his first trip back to Jamaica, Queens, in 20 years, what does he wear? As you can see from the picture above, a tweed blazer. Is Rocco secretly a masochist? Is he looking to get beaten up? Inquiring minds want to know.

Nip/Tuck: A Braless Padma Lakshmi Demystifies the Esoteric Art of Walking for Justin Tuck: “Just Put One Foot in Front of the Other”

Padma Lakshmi Wears a Tight, Cleavage-Revealing Dress to Read The New York Times

The Gray Lady never looked so good. Why, oh why, possums, can't Padma always look like this on Top Chef? And we loved how her accent on this video miraculously became plummier, lilting, more elegant, with a touch of Indian, a step "up" from the Valley Girl stoner drawl we get on Top Chef. (We also love the idea of her reading, Lady Bountiful-like, bits from the Times to uninformed cheftestants and camera people, improving their little minds with news of the conflict in Ossetia and Cathy Horyn's musings on Lagerfeld.) What all of this seems impliedly to admit is that she considers Top Chef a bit of slumming. Who'd've thunk?

Is Padma Lakshmi an "Adorable High-School Outcast Who Avenged [Herself] on the Heathers of the World by Becoming Famous for Something, Sort Of"?

That is what The New York Times appears to suggest, in an article by Guy Trebay analyzing the front-row attendees at Marc Jacobs' fashion show. As pictured in the Times, Padma was there on Monday night, sitting next to hip-hop impresario Russell Simmons.

(And again, where the hell is his right hand? Why is everyone so handsy with Padma? Not that we disapprove. Far from it. We love merry widows and gay divorcées.)