Richard Blais’ Speaking-from-Experience Reaction: “Sometimes, the Best Team Doesn’t Win the Game”

From his Bravo blog:

"Padma says it best when describing Stefan’s food. He exhibits an elegant classicism. The guy's very talented. The pigeon was the best thing I tasted that night. Sometimes, the best team doesn’t win the game."

Finale Previews: It Is *On*! Hootie Love vs. the Red Baron vs. the Stolid Mennonite Farmer from the Far Side Cartoon

Third Mystery Helper Elf Revealed! (We Think)

As you may remember, possums, at the end of last night’s episode, Tom Colicchio promised the remaining three finalists that they would have help for the final challenge, and for a split second we got a shot of three shadowy figures advancing through an archway. And no, it wasn’t a Watchmen promo, but there is a cartoon character involved.

At the far right is Richard Blais, one of last season’s runners-up. In the middle is Casey Thompson, one of Season 3’s runners-up (her presence is confirmed here). The most inscrutable of the shades is at the far left. At first, something about the slightly pigeon-toed walk suggested Sam Talbot, but the figure isn’t tall enough to be That Guy. We briefly considered Ilan, at the risk of our sanity. But then we remembered something we had read a few weeks ago, and it all made sense.

Now, our money’s on Season 2 runner-up Marcel Vigneron. It makes a certain kind of thematic sense for Wolverine to return--runners-up from past seasons, vous voyez? And then the details of the slightly bouffant hairdo seemed to fill themselves in. And this item from the New Orleans Times-Picayune would seem to clinch it:

Turns out some colleagues here at the paper are such big “Top Chef” fans they trekked to Commander's [Palace] on Thursday, Jan. 15, hoping to catch a glimpse of the [finale] action. They snapped [a] picture of Marcel Vigneron, runner-up in the reality show's second season. Vigneron told my friends that past contestants were involved in the episode being filmed at Commander's.

Q.E.D, possums, Q.E.D. Unless, of course, it’s someone else.

Baileys Barnum: Is Richard Blais Losing His Fauxhawk?

Shiver our timbers, possums. What the Blaises is going on?

This is how we are used to seeing Richard Blais, with soft-serve whoosh atop his head. Whether intentional or not (we think intentional), this is a trademark of sorts, and a canny one at that, an instantly recognizable silhouette. Even if it’s not a becoming coiffure, it’s part of his “brand.”

So imagine our surprise when we came across this online ad in the Los Angeles Times for a Baileys promotion. Where, oh where, is the fauxhawk?

Don’t get us wrong; that’s a very flattering picture in the ad. The (new?) haircut is a good one, and either Richard has lost some weight, or we want to get ahold of the bitch who PhotoShopped that pic for Baileys, giving him a firm jawline and highlighting the cleft in his chin. We just wonder whether it diminishes his “brand” to get rid of the fauxhawk.

On the other hand, notice how the Top Chef connection is absent from the ad. Knowing how territorial NBC Universal/Bravo is, it may well be that they wouldn’t let him use the Top Chef association in connection with a non-approved product or brand. And yet, it seems canny and a step up to go from mere Top Chef finalist to “Celebrity Chef,” and in that light, perhaps the better haircut is part of the same strategy. Better to be a “Celebrity Chef” with a good haircut than a Top Chef finalist with an unflattering, gimmicky haircut that cannot in good conscience be maintained beyond 2008.

Kathie Lee Gifford Feels the Heat of Richard Blais' Balls

Popcorn balls, possums, popcorn. Honi soit qui mal y pense. Why, oh why, does NBC Universal allow this woman anywhere near a kitchen?

Richard Blais: Lisa Fernandes Is Cool, and She's a Good Person

Having Just Survived Sherman, Is Atlanta Ready for Dale Talde? Lesbians, Lockers and Pork Bellies Advised to Hide

Can it be true, possums? Is everyone's favorite crotch-grabbing, foul-mouthed, chipmunk-cheeked, locker-punching, Lisa-hating, vanity-belt-buckled, Littlest Gangsta really leaving the Big Apple for the Big Peach, or whatever Atlanta is calling itself these days?

These people seem to think so. According to them, Dale is going to be the new chef at Aja, an Asian restaurant opening later this year "in the former Emeril's restaurant in Alliance Center near Phipps Plaza." Apparently, the restaurant is owned by the same folks that own Home, where Richard Blais is running the kitchen and recently earned four stars. As much as we would like to believe this, we can't help but note that the source says Dale Levitski while using a picture of Dale Talde, which makes us a little uneasy; if they can't tell the Dales apart, how reliable can this information be? If you possums know anything more concrete, feel free to send in the details.

Richard Blais: For Racist, Change-Averse Southerners, the Civil Rights Act of 1964 “Not as Crazy as Bacon Ice Cream”

Oh dear, possums.

We hasten to add that, aside from his annoying overuse of the phrase and concept of things being “a play on” other things, we like and admire Richard Blais and his creativity and maturity. This makes it all the more wince-inducing to come across this passage in an interview he did with the Phoenix, Az., East Valley Tribune:

[I]s Atlanta the right city for you? Would your style be more accepted in a New York or San Francisco?

It’s a tough question to answer as I’m walking around the parking lot of my restaurant here. I’m a New Yorker originally. I’m into college football, and a lot of college football coaches will have that one clause in their contract that’s like, “Here’s my contract, but if this one school comes calling, all bets are off.” I lived in San Francisco and I’m a new Yorker, and I love those two cities. And I love Atlanta because it’s put me on the map and there are so many people here that are great. Is it a place I can see three or four really creative restaurants surviving over a long period of time? Probably not. Just in general, if you think about the South, it takes them a long time to embrace things not as crazy as bacon ice cream, you know? Historically, it took the South a long time to embrace the civil rights movement, for example. So we’ll see where it goes. The difference is that Atlanta is a big metropolitan city and the South is almost disconnected from that. You know what I mean? I live in Atlanta. I don’t feel like I live in Georgia.

For what it’s worth, possums, we don’t think that Blais, despite his unfortunate and poorly chosen words to that effect, actually believes civil rights are “crazy.” We get what he was trying to say, but oh what a way to say it. Is a touch of megalomania (comparing his signature bacon ice cream and the civil rights movement in the first place) a more forgivable sin? Does molecular gastronomy have a recipe for foot in mouth?

Reunited and It Feels So...Meh

Some of you have asked, possums, and the answer is yes, we did watch the reunion special. And yes, we ought to have written about it yesterday, but frankly, we were still simmering a little from the bait and switch. For a couple of days at least, Bravo had been running promos for the reunion practically on a loop, during which the newly chipmunk-cheeked Dale Talde was seen sternly saying, “That is the one thing I am not going to talk about now,” or words to that effect. So of course, there is nary a sign of that statement, or the circumstances that prompted it, when the reunion actually airs. Not to put too fine a point on it, but WTF?

If we’re a teensy bit cross, it isn’t because we think, though we had hoped, that Dale’s statement (or the question that led to it) would have contained some earth-shattering revelation. Rather, it’s because the bait and switch manifests a lack of respect for the audience and (justifiable) lack of confidence in the show.

We’ve admittedly come a ways from the first season reunion, which included free-flowing alcohol, and the second season, when there was no reunion because of a well-based fear that first- or second-degree homicide might be broadcast on national t.v., but really, to paraphrase original chefbian Gertrude Stein, there was not a lot of there there.

And from the other clips posted on Bravo’s website, it appeared as though there was another reunion show, a more entertaining and revealing one, that, because of editing, we simply didn’t get to see. Mind you, the impression that we got from the reunion show that did air was that there was another more entertaining and revealing Top Chef: Chicago that, because of editing, we simply didn’t get to see. Look, we understand that with so much footage, and only around 40 minutes per show, editing choices have to be made; we’re just puzzled that so many of those choices fell on the less entertaining side of the line.

Perhaps this was the year of the woman, or the year of the chefbian, or perhaps it was decided that rampant if unconscious homoeroticism—er, “bromance”—was so last season, Howie-and-Joey. And yet. This is Bravo, for fag’s sake. How they could have resisted airing, “I’m not gay but I’d probably let him bang me,” is absolutely beyond us. Andrew D’Ambrosi as a power bottom—who knew? (It becomes even more entertaining when paired with another unaired clip from the season where Andrew talks about how Richard always comes in and takes charge, and he, Andrew, loves it.) Or Spike’s unconsciously revealing statement, “We’ll be boys forever”; yes, Spike, that’s exactly the problem, BFF or not.

Still, there were a few things we liked about the reunion special:

There was the moment when Andrew was told that viewers suspected he was smoking something stronger than cigarettes, and those naughty Bravo editors cut to Padma Lakshmi. That was the most lowdown, dirty thing on the show, and it was great. Eisenstein would have been proud, boys!

And how about the implication by Raggaydy Andy that Mark’s was a green card marriage to avoid having to leave the U.S., and Mark’s seeming concurrence? The “man soup” (or should that be “man stew”?) footage certainly won’t help his interview with the immigration authorities, will it? That’s how we think Mark would say it; the reunion made us miss his deadpan delivery all over again.

Having seen a copy of the application that contestants seeking to be on Top Chef have to sign, we understand how onerous the contestants' promotional obligations are; potential contestants sign away their lives. We remember the brouhaha over Harold Dieterle being forced to participate in that shticky, Season 1 vs. Season 2 cook-off thing that aired right before Season 3. He was busy with his restaurant, and did not want to participate, but, according to newspaper reports, his feet were held to the contractual fire and he had to schlep down to Miami anyway. As such, we had to smile when Richard Blais thanked Bravo for allowing him to participate via satellite from Atlanta, instead of having to miss the birth of his first child in order to schlep to New York to participate in the thankless reunion.

Well, Bravo, so much for our culinary boner.

Doing It for Zoi: The Return

So it turns out the finale took place during Lisa's girlfriend's birthday, and Lisa wanted to win so she could buy the girlfriend something nice with the hundred-thou. And it turns out Dan Barber has a personality and is adorable, and Richard is funny and geeky about Star Wars (shocker, that). So why didn't we get to see all of this stuff during the regular broadcast? For one thing, it might have livened up a rather pro forma finale. We rather suspect we didn't see it because, by humanizing Lisa and showing Richard as less of a victim, it detracted from the predetermined narrative arc.

“You’ve won the fucking bronze medal. Congratulations. There you go.”

Poor Richard. We really do feel sorry for him, and sorry that the above-quoted statement came back to haunt him thus. Miss XaXa believed from the very beginning that Stephanie would win ("I told you so, I told you so" has been ringing in our ears for a few hours now), but in our opinion, the title of Top Chef was Richard's to lose. And yet, as he so courageously admitted, he choked, and he choked up. Most choke-making of all is this detail from judge Ted Allen's blog:

The day after the finale shoot, waiting with [partner] Barry [Rice] for our flight, I saw Richard wandering alone through the airport in Puerto Rico. He looked dazed. And I felt so sorry for him. He was, of course, ever gracious to everyone after the battle, putting on a brave face with cast and judges alike for post-show drinks in Old San Juan (at 6 a.m., no less), congratulating Stephanie with complete sincerity, thanking the producers. But at the airport, in the clear light of day, it was obvious that the finality was hitting him. Nobody fights that hard for second place.

Or, in this case, third. Hélas!

Nights of Malta: Richard Blais Wins

Amuse-Biatch Photoessay: Miranda, Carrie and Charlotte Try to Ignore SaMANtha’s Sex Change

Amuse-Biatch Photoessay: “I Know! Can You Believe We’re the Two Remaining Specimens of Manhood on This Show?”

Amuse-Biatch Is Shocked—Shocked!—to Discover That Bravo’s Editors Are Pervs

Examine this shot-by-shot sequence, possums, of the winning team at Judges’ Table and draw your own conclusions. We don’t know about you, but we would also have liked slow pans up Richard’s and Antonia’s chests as well.





















Yeah, hi, Bravo editors, my eyes are up here.

MFMad Hat(t)er Involved in Doppelgängerbang

Well, possums, it seems that the Season 3 cheftestants are having a bad case of the Doppelgänger. First, Dale Levitski went after this season's Richard Blais like yo momma with the hairbrush for, among other things, his signature fauxhawk: "The hair I will take as a “compliment?” … but also a hack job …." Meow.

And now, Brian MFMalarkey is going after Spike Mendelsohn, ranking him last because, as he so awkwardly puts it, "You are wearing a very similar hat to me."

And, possums, we understand.

The legal test in trademark matters is risk of confusion, and when your capital as a Top Chef contestant is limited to annoying personality trait + annoying fashion accessory, what's to distinguish you from the next scrawny putz in a deerstalker? It's absolutely enough to bring on an existential crisis even in people whose personalities aren't so shallow that an ant would drown in them.

So, possums, a little compassion, please.

Amuse-Biatch Photoessay: Fashion Police Read Richard Blais His Hairanda Rights Before Taking Him to Gel

The Biest Comes Out, and It's a Beaut

Possums, we were fans of Jennifer Biesty because of her general air of solidity and maturity, both in cooking and in temperament. However, we have just been reminded that not for nothing is her nickname "The Beast," and not for nothing does she have a shark's fin atop her head.

In her exit interview with our pals at Grub Street, she kicks a trashcan or two:

Did the judges make a mistake [Wednesday] night?
I really thought — especially with how [the judges] were talking about the Polish-sausage dish — that there was no way that we would go home, or I would go home. So their mistake? I don’t know — they make a lot.

...

What was your impression of guest judge Johnny Iuzzini?
He was kind of pompous and arrogant, really working the camera. Out of all the judges so far, he was the most disingenuous. He was really there more to get his face on TV than to actually be a judge.

...

In terms of the hairstyle, who pulls it off better: you or Richard?
Me. You can tell the difference between a $20 haircut and an $80 haircut.

What did we tell you, possums? Never piss off a lesbian. Still, we wonder: Can Richard fight a fauxhawk war on two fronts?

Fauxhawks and Doves: Interseasonal Bitchfight of the Oddly Coiffed

Well, possums, "Meeeeeow!" is all we have to say about the blogwar between Season 3 finalist Dale Levitski and Season 4 presumed finalist Richard Blais.

From Dale's blog:

I staged [interned] at Trio under Grant [Achatz] for a few days before the flip of my reign ….
And what I saw changed my life.
It was a beef dish.
I stood next to a pole in the kitchen and watched in awe as an army of cooks (most of which I can now call friends) executed a miracle.
20 components on one plate that was nothing short of a symphony.
Beef three ways, ingredients that blew your mind, but made the most basic sense.
In an understatement as a chef: humbling.
One thing stuck out for me. (This was 4 years ago ....)
The smoke.
Smoked beef tounge, presented as pristine as could be under a smoke-filled glass. Unveiled by the server at the table.
Unleashing an epiphany for the diner and any witness alike.
Perfection.
What you, Richard, have ATTEMPTED to do, hack a presentation, TWICE!, was bastardize and mock a moving moment for me as a chef.
I understand the drive you have.
The Need you have.
The Skill you have.
The Love you have.
BUT.
Did you really Think for a MOMENT that filling a Sysco-wrapped plate full of gadget-filled smoke would prove to the world that you are a good chef?
That it would impress?
That ANY diner would say, ”When I peeled the PLASTIC WRAP off my plate I was blown away?!"
You have done it Twice!!!!!!!!!
F*** you, Chef.
I have seen this presentation done to perfection. The only person you are fooling is yourself.
I CHEERED when your “tool” broke, as I watched the panic of you team ….
Serves you right for shitting on MY epiphany ….
The fact that you won should be YOUR epiphany ....
You don’t need the gimmick ….
There is no need to jerk yourself off with gadgets ….
You won.
You deserved it. For the most part …
I hope you learned your lesson.
You are good.
Cut the crap.
Love, Dale.
P.S. The hair I will take as a “compliment?” … but also a hack job ….


From Richard's response on Bravo's Burning Questions blog:

Bravotv.com: Anything else?
Hmmm ... Well I'd like to address Mr. Dale Levitski, a guy I have never met, and who has never tasted my food, or worked with me. I'd write a response to some of his comments but I'd rather not extend his fifteen minutes any longer. I just think some of his words have been in pretty poor taste, especially coming from a previous contestant who should have an understanding of the show. I can take it, but when my family reads that stuff, and it's not from Joe Blogger, c'mon ....

Well, possums, never let it be said that Dale blows smoke up anyone's derriere.

Damned Gnocco Too Dense to Realize When He's Being Damned with Faint Praise

From Ryan Scott’s interview with Grub Street:

Rich[ard Blais] is breaking culinary boundaries. One night he said to me, “I respect so much what you do, Ryan. You can cook with two or three ingredients, and look at a fennel bulb and it’s just fennel. I’d try and figure out how to levitate the thing. I can’t cook on your level.”

Oh how we cackled, possums, at how Ryan just can't get it through his fennel bulb. Our hats go off to Richard for saying something so patronizing and condescending while making Gnocchi-Head think it was sincere praise. For once, Rocco DiSpirito was right.