Thursday, December 07, 2006
Well, we can't say we weren't warned.
For over a week now, Raggaydy Andy Cohen of Bravo has been warning us repeatedly about Padma's bikini top in this episode, which he personally approved.
And for the decision to approve that outfit, Andy, we are making a gay citizen's arrest and summarily taking your gay card away. You're on probation, son. We're giving your gay card to Tom & Lorenzo over at Project Rungay & Project Gay, and you'll have to convince them that you will not use your gay powers for ill again before it is restored to you.
For God's sake, what were you thinking? The whole One Million Years B.C. meets cancer victim meets Destiny's Malnourished Child thing, the combination of jeans mini, bikini top, sheepskin vest, cardigan, paisley 'do-rag (we forget, what does the brown hankie stand for?) and extensions--oy, it just made our synapses weak in the knees.
Could it be a covert plan to give Michael Kors a heart attack (or perhaps a cheap face lift, the hope being that the shock will be so great that his eyebrows will stay permanently raised)? Speaking of which, perhaps Nancy Pelosi should hold Congressional hearings on just how bad this outfit is. The American people deserve to hear Raggaydy Andy's testimony under oath.
But here's the thing. We actually loved it. Fashion this apocalyptically, epically, Oliver-Stone-with-an-unlimited-budget bad comes along but once in a generation. And Padma seemed to know it. She appeared on the verge of giggles the whole time.
For our part, we roared with laughter, pounding our wee tyrant fists on the Regency-striped silk of our fainting couch in uncontrolled, orgasmic mirth. We can't remember the last time we laughed so hard. Could it really have been ten years ago (when Kate Beckinsale was an actress and not just a pair of tits with a British accent), as we were watching Cold Comfort Farm and Ian McKellen's stern warning that "There'll be no butter in hell!" nearly gave us an aneurysm?
Well, we definitely saw something nasty in the woodshed, and this outfit is it. Hey, Anon47, we sure hope you were watching. We would have paid a goodly sum to see your crestfallen face as your words about Padma being "one of the most stylish women around" turned to ashes on your lips.