Thursday, June 14, 2007

First Reaction: Fried or (Half) Baked?

Oh, possums, just when she was doing so well....

Watching Top Chef: 4 Star All Stars (surprisingly, it was not subtitled, “The Grudge”), we were paralyzed for many reasons (about which we will have much more to say later). But it was the 28th Most Beautiful Lady in the World, Padma Lakshmi, who gave us the biggest jolt of botulinum.

Her hair looked good. Her clothes were sexy but tasteful—the black polka dot dress looked good, the pants ensemble looked good, the cinnamon-colored dress looked good. Heck, even her scar looked good. No hot pants, Ugg boots, or shearling vests in sight.

Our unfurrowed brow began to furrow.

And then she corrected Marcel’s pronunciation of “gelée,” just as we were in mid-wince after hearing “jell-EE.”

Aghast, the twin figures of Henry Higgins and Mr. Blackwell, who daily battle for such scraps of our soul as remain, stood mute.

Would there be anything for us to do on Season 3? Would we have to retire? Would we be perennially doomed to sweetness and light?

Fortunately (for us, at least), last night’s premiere of Season 3 revealed that there is, indeed, a reason for us to go on living. You ought to have seen the grin of relief on our basement-dweller faces, possums, as she mispronounced “amuse-bouche” yet again. Ah-MOOZE? That’s nooze to us.

And then, of course, she went on to utter the immortal line of the night, “You could fry my toe, and batter it well, and it would taste good.”

Though Tom Colicchio rolled his eyes, we positively purred. We may well have cackled. Miss XaXa, momentarily lulled into compassion by the booze, pleaded, “Come on, give her a break. She’s still making progress.”

Remembering those hot pants from last season, we had to concur. From camel-toe to fried toe is quite a journey indeed.

Is it any wonder she married the man who wrote The Ground Beneath Her Feet? (We will have much more to say about this as well; here and now we call Top Chef 3, “The Foot Fetishist’s Season.”)

Still, Padma, fried or baked, we’ve missed you, possum. Welcome back. And to you, possums, we say, as our other theme for the season, “Welcome to Meowmi.”

P.S. Regular posting will follow, including a full-fledged, Amuse-Biatch recap.


Lou said...

Yay! Glad you're back! Missed you all.

Debby T said...

Welcome Back! I hated being bitchy all by myself!

Jon said...

Miss XaXa & Charlus,

Soooooo great to see you back, missed you, your warm hearts and those wonderful points of view and reviews.

(of java and shamu's blog)

Melanie said...

Hugs and kisses for both of you-so happy you're back to share your good humor with us!

Anonymous said...

Missed you so much. Thought you were gone forever.

Anonymous said...

The lives again. Good thing too-the previous postings were wonderful to read and new post gives hope. Hope TC 3 rocks! The first episode of TC 3 is miles ahead of a good portion of TP 2's unfortunate servings.

Shannon said...

Whoo hoo! You're back!

Speaking of baked, I do believe it's quite possible that Clay was smoking something besides a cigarette there at the apartment... did ya'all catch that?

Ms. Place said...

Whew, relief. I thought the other TC posts would have to carry on without our amuses. Yeah. You're back. Wit intact and claws sharpened.

I love it.

Anonymous said...

Welcome back! Missed ya.

Java Junkie said...


Anonymous said...

I, too, am anonymously glad to see you back, but wouldn't you pronounce "amuse" ah-MOOZE in French?

Sorry to be on the side of the botulined Padma.

Anonymous said...

i think padma's trying to be more animated this season, although she still sounds like she's speaking with a mouthful of marbles.

txvoodoo said...

Yeah, Padma actually had it right - it is "ah-muz" (or something like that). She's multicultural, yo!

eric3000 said...

Welcome back! I missed the press release announcing that the navy was back in port!

Didn't Padma put the stress on the "ah" of amuse last season? I thought she actually did much better this time.

What I don't understand is why the name of that hotel is pronounced "fountain blue."

Anonymous said...

Padma is so right! I deep fried a veggie high protein burrito (some bizarre concoction stuffed with tofu and black bean paste) and it actually tasted good!