Friday, July 27, 2007

Dispatches from the Department of the Obvious: Bisexual Villain Hung Huynh Is a Snake and an Airy Fairy

Oh, settle down, possums. It's not a biphobic relapse we're suffering from; it's astrology we're talking about.

As per a fascinating report we happened upon, Hung, who was born on January 25, 1978, is, according to the Chinese zodiac, a Snake. His birthdate also makes him an Aquarius, which is, paradoxically, an Air sign. Hence the "airy fairy" of the headline.

Other revelations? CJ Jacobson is a Rabbit, which means we may have to start calling him Harvey instead of Jowly Green Giant. (Honk if you love Jimmy Stewart movies.)

Brian "Asshat" Malarkey is a Rat, but don't expect us to call him Ratatouille any time soon.

Dale Levitski's an Ox. "Bull!" calls out Miss XaXa, though we can't decide whether she's vehemently disagreeing or merely purring a corrective.

Fittingly, Howie is a Dog and Joey is a Rabbit. "Down the Rabbithole," sasses Miss XaXa.

Unsurprisingly, Tom is a Tiger (and Bear, oh my!).

But the most interesting thing of all is that Gail Simmons is a Blank. According to the website, it's "impossible to find birth info for Gail Simmons, the JD Salinger of the table." And that, we think, is the best title ever.


frogboots said...

this is all very weird because somehow, hung (and marcel, really) seem like the least sexual people on earth.

or on tv, maybe.

Ms. Place said...

Indeed, frogboots, and Hung seems as if he's, well, not so well Hung, if you get my drift.

Perhaps he is compensating?