Friday, July 27, 2007

Eyebrow-Plucking Cheftestant Hung Huynh Comes Out in Favor of Both Geoduck and Clams, Becomes America's Next Top Bisexual Villain

Possums, we have a little confession to make.

Due to personal circumstances, our attitudes towards bisexuals have not always been the most enlightened.

But we've made progress: from "They should all be herded and dropped off on a rocky island with goats. On second thought, the poor goats haven't done anything to deserve it. Evacuate the goats first" to "Mary, puh-leeze. Elton John used to claim to be bisexual" to "Just pick a hole already" to "Oh, well, whatevs."

And now, as perhaps the final step on our road to recovery, we are happy to welcome into the fold newly emerged bisexual Hung Huyhn. On Wednesday's craptastic special, he airily (fairily?) conceded that he goes both ways, or, as the French so elegantly put it, that his boat is powered by both steam and wind (à voile et à vapeur).

We will ignore our misgivings about the efficacy of our gaydar, or whether his audition-tape AC/DC admission was merely an insincere ploy to get attention, or, as with so many LUG (lesbians until graduation), a way to make himself "interesting." After all, ain't that the trouble with bisexuals, that you never know?

Oops, just a little unenlightened hiccup, that; please ignore it, possums. We meant nothing by it.

At the very beginning of the season, when we thought Hung might be straight, we wondered whether you had to be gay to be a Great Gay Villain. Hung's bisexuality is merely the answer to that debate.


hughman said...

oh puhleeze.

if anything, and this is giving him too much credit, Hung is (as Kathy Griffin learns in her recent prison acts on "My Life on the D-List) a LURD - Lesbian Until Release Date. the idea that any woman would saddle up to his Anna Way Wrong hips for some lovin' is just scary. just let the fish flounder on the floor Hung. it won't be the first time.

Anonymous said...

I think hung is SOOOOOOOO CUTE..I would eat the corn out of his shit

nikkinoodles said...

Anonymous, I hope you meant to say you would eat the shit out of his corn(cob)!?!

ArtfulSub said...

Found a video featuring actor/dancer/singer Christopher Walken doing a cooking demo.

Check it out.

trixie said...

Perhaps Hung answered "either" as a substitute for saying "neither" ??

Anonymous said...

As a bisexual person, who has identified that way for approximately 17 years, I'll say you have to be a freak to be bi--hetero and homosexuality is kind of for the more semi-normal among you and Hung is the biggest freak on the show.

Plus Bi-guys get alot less credit than bisexual girls.

Anonymous said...

Hung is hot as hell. He can cook for me anytime!