Amuse-Biatch Photoessay: As Oscar Wilde Might Have Put It, Following Her Divorce, Padma Lakshmi's Clothes Have Turned Quite Gold with Grief

Padma, front-row at the Marc Jacobs show last night. Divorce definitely suits her. And Tom Colicchio has also been in attendance at fashion shows. The Fug Girls just spotted him at the John Varvatos show, along with Alice Cooper and LL Cool J, and again wearing loafers without socks.

Completely Heterosexual, South Beach-Bound Ilan Hall Proves That Pink Shoelaces and White Louis Vuitton Don't Make You Gay

Oh, possums, there are times when, sitting in our dank basements, we shake with a palsy of envy and rage, and this is one of them. Our boy Ilan Hall was spotted en route to heterosexual mecca South Beach spotting pink shoelaces, a white (!) Louis Vuitton belt with a candy-colored (!) logo, a Louis Vuitton duffel bag, and a white Patek Philippe watch encrusted with close to 50 diamonds and valued at over $10,000. All of this while we basement-dwellers must gnaw on raw turnips and try to forget our agoraphobia by trying to knock down the blessed. Oh, H.G. Wells, where art thou?

Actually, we have a more pressing question: Is the Louis Vuitton bag the same one The New York Observer spotted last week, and which Ilan tried to pass off as a Gucci, or is there a Gucci bag in addition to the Louis Vuitton? Inquiring gay minds (and Marc Jacobs) want to know.