Amuse-Biatch Official Endorsement: Dale Levitski for Fan Favorite

Mind you, possums, we have an abysmal track record when it comes to these things. Carlos Fernandez, our pick last season, didn't win. Indeed, we may well be on the path toward becoming America's next top, oh, wait, toward becoming the Bob Shrum of Internet fan campaigns.

That being said, we hereby endorse our boy, Dale Levitski, for the Fan Favorite title and the attendant 10,000 smackeroos.

We're not ObamaGirl, so we can't explain in song and wearing skimpy clothes why you should vote for Obama's fellow Chicagoan, but here are a few reasons:

* Because he's, hands-down, the most entertaining cheftestant this season, and the maker of the best quips.

* Because he's slept with cowboys.

* Because he’s not the little fag in the corner

* Because Vogue called his croque monsieur the most perfect in the world, and when Jeffrey Steingarten, the Man Who Ate Everything (and Gail Simmons’ former boss) says something, and the Prada-wearing devil’s Bible carries it, well, it has the ring of Gospel truth.

* Because he’s not lying when he says of himself, “I’m a burnt-Tombstone-pizza, Chicago suburbanite, but I can cook some bad-ass French food.”

* Because Gail Simmons’ magazine, Food & Wine, once named Dale’s restaurant one of the ten top new bistros in North America and published one of his recipes.

* Because when we contacted him, he replied with the exact words you see in his speech bubble above. Bitch is broke and needs the ten thou.

So come on, possums, help a lavender brutha out. Vote for Dale.

Following an Intense Session in a Smoky Chicago Backroom (No, Not That Kind), Amuse-Biatch LOLcat Albertine Issues Her Endorsement for Fan Favorite

Amuse-Biatch Paparazzo Photoessay: Cheftestants and Their Evil Metaphorical Familiars: They're Just Like Us!

Possums, we must confess to feeling a bit juvenile when we woke up this morning.

As a consequence, we had a good juvenile laugh when we watched one of the Bravo previews for the season finale and caught Hung Huynh listing the ingredients he took with him to Aspen, including "pickled kumquats." There are times when the sight of a bisexual saying the word "kumquat" is better at inducing the giggles than sucking on a helium balloon. And for this lapse of maturity, possums, we sincerely apologize.

However, pickled kumquats are not the only secret ingredient in Hung's arsenal and we have proof. We are pleased to bring you news from in-house paparazzo Laz West (take that, TMZ!), who once again risked life and limb to bring you exclusive photographs of what he saw. Today, he brings us a candid snapshot of Hung and his evil monkey sharing a private joke about world domination. As you can see from the monkey's expression, Laz managed to slip away not a moment too soon.

"So what kind of a monkey was it?" we asked the good Laz when he returned to safety.

"I couldn't tell if it was a spider monkey or a macaque," came the still-frightened reply.

"Well, with Hung being a bisexual, it had to be a macaque," said Miss XaXa with the certainty of hard-won experience.

Oops, there goes the juvenile again.