Thursday, June 21, 2007

First Reaction: 'Cue the Violins for the Last of the Fauxhawkians

“Two puns in one headline? Isn’t that a little much?” asked Miss XaXa.

We stared at our nails. Yes, it’s true, possums, our favorite martial-arts-practicing, slogan-teeshirt-wearing, magazine-editing lesbian, Sandee Birdsong, was, in the lexicon of the game, pykagged last night.

“Besides,” Miss XaXa continued, “it isn’t even true. She’s not the last one with a fauxhawk; there’s still Dale.”

But of course. Who could forget Dale Levitski? Well, apparently, just about everyone. As we said to Miss XaXa, “If he were a superhero, he’d be the Invisible Gay.” He was hardly to be seen in this episode, but perhaps that’s just as well, as attention seemed to be an unwelcome thing last night.

The Quickfire Challenge—to use Florida citrus—was judged by Chef Norman Van Aken, who, fittingly enough, was the very definition of “acid,” and perhaps also “florid.” Micah, who is not a morning person (though Lord, is she ever a mourning person), made it into a bottom three with a dish of baby spew, er, pardon us, “avocado soup,” along with torch-wielding petal-pusher Sandee, and confused, carapaced, veiny shrimp Sarah Nguyen (really, though, we’re not the ones calling her a shrimp; it was CJ, who envied her for being 5’3”). And it was CJ who, despite spilling his citrusy seed upon the dish, was in the top three, along with Hung and Tre. Ultimately, it was Hung, huffin’ and puffin’ his way to villainy, who came out on top and earned immunity, if not camp status.

The Elimination Challenge was to cook “upscale barbecue” for Lee Schrager, founder of the South Beach Wine & Food Festival and, according to the South Florida Business Journal, the spokesman for “Southern Wine & Spirits, the nation’s largest alcohol distributor.” No wonder he has access to champagne and, by extension, women, as Hung admiringly points out. (We reiterate: you don’t have to be gay to be a Gay Villain. And really, how convincing was Hung anyway?)

Which brings us to our main problem with the upscale barbecue: where was the upscale? 14 small grills on a strip of mangy lawn by a canal does not upscale make. As Tom Colicchio himself put it, which is the greater sin, no barbecue or not upscale?

This question, along with other, more pressing ones, will be answered in a proper episode recap coming this weekend.


Anonymous said...

Many of the tits in the guests' bikinis were upscale.

kbryna said...

i also wondered about this. and having lived in gulf-coast florida, i also wondered about the wisdom of having the chefs cooking outside. even if they're taping in January, it's still hot and unpleasant.

and despite the previews of next week, no one wants to eat food that Howie has sweated into.

like, why not a fancy tofu/veg barbecue in fancypants sauce?

Anonymous said...

We love your first reactions! Ah-mews Bee-otch is the best!

jullesdelight said...

A tits comment? Do you mean a straight Man reads this blog? Besides, the tits were more like "supersized."

Anonymous said...

Maybe a lesbian contributed the anonymous t*ts comment? Hello!

Ms. Place said...

Oh, dahlings, you noted how amazingly tacky that backdrop was. We're in Miami for Gawd's sake! Were there no McMansions to be had? Really, I've stayed in Best Westerns with better views.

Anonymous said...

Chef Josie is the only lesbian I need to see ever again!

Anonymous said...

agreed and her hair was much cooler

JoVo said...

Unfortunately Sandee was only in two episodes. I don't know much about cooking but what Sandee and Tre put out there was "up-scale". Joey and Howie.....I do that on the weekends. My opinion.....Sandee is gone because she didn't argue or talk bad behind anyone's back. "nice guys finish last." The underdog is gone now. I love the show but will miss Sandee. Appearently the cast will too.

climate change info in Australia said...

Here I have discovered many things that really did not know, I thank you for the blog!