Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Padma Lakshmi Stalker Alert: Salman's Joy's Got Nuts After Her Mounds

Oh possums, as if the stresses of not blogging and of getting her hair done weren't enough, now comes news that Padma Lakshmi has yet another thing to worry her.

In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, “rocker” Cisco Adler reveals that he has the blueballs for Padma:

What TV do you watch?
I'm a Seinfeld guy. And I was a diehard Law and Order fan for years. I'm a reality junkie. I'm sorry all you cut-rate actors, it's just better TV! I'm kind of into Hell's Kitchen, and totally into America's Next Top Model, just to look for my next girlfriend. They gotta be making their way to L.A. after the show wraps, right? And I love Top Chef. Whoever that hostess is, she's the hottest girl ever!

That would be Padma Lakshmi, who recently announced she's divorcing her husband, Salman Rushdie.
Padma, call me up, baby!

“Call me up, baby”?!? Well, he’s got big balls; we'll give him that.

And we do mean big. For those readers who are too genteel to be acquainted with Perez Hilton, let us explain that Cisco Adler is best known for having dated Mischa Barton and for suffering from what must be elephantiasis.

That's alright, possums, don't mind us. We'll wait 30 seconds while you Google "Cisco Adler + big balls" and get a good look at the infamous nekkid picture.

Welcome back, o ye of the seared retinas. So, as we were saying, Cisco's got balls. The ballsiest move of all? Letting it slip that Padma would be competing against Tyra's sloppy seconds for his, er, affections. Tsk, tsk. But if that thing with the billionaire that isn't really a thing doesn't work out, here's Padma's opportunity to have a ball.


Anonymous said...

doesn't it seem like he needs a lift? nothin' attractive there.

Anonymous said...


for the low down on the pics! gross!

Anonymous said...

Big no. Saggy yes.

Anonymous said...

He approaches every door with his own set of knockers.

Anonymous said...

Hello Possums!

Kindly refrain from saying 'possums'


Dame Edna

Charlus said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Charlus said...

Dear Dame Edna,

Seeing as how gorgeous gams, sequined dresses, lavender-tinted hair, rhinestone-bedecked eyeglasses, the best Nana Mouskouri pun of all time, a place on the Birthday Honours List, and praise from art critic Robert Hughes are beyond our reach, our sole link to your fabulousness is use of the word “possums.” Think of it as an homage to catatonia.

Accordingly, we will continue to use it.

Of course, if your vicar on Earth, Mr. Barry Humphries, were to ask us to desist, we might consider it, especially if a date with your son Kenny were thrown into the mix.

Until such time, however, we remain

Your most devoted possums,

Charlus & Miss XaXa

Ms. Place said...

Glad to know his saques are so noteworthy. That knowledge added a bit of piquancy to my morning toast. Frankly, those two pieces of the trio of male, er, fruitly delights, are the least of my robust and lengthy concerns.