Showing posts with label Stalker. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stalker. Show all posts

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Padma Lakshmi Stalker Alert, Part II: If "Cancer Boy" CJ Jacobson Makes a Wish, Does It Have a Foundation?

Well, possums, it seems Padma Lakshmi's got all the menfolks nuts about her.

First, she was being stalked by a man with huge balls. Holy sagging elephantiasis, possums!

And now, she's being stalked by a man with one ball.

Seemingly the only person in the world who loves the word "wanton" as much as we, CJ Jacobson tells our pally pal Josh at Grub Street, "Did you see the wanton and sad expression Padma had when I walked off stage? She’s running from me now, but..."

However, CJ saved the best of his bitchiness, wantonness, and post coital melancholia for our West Coast pal Lesley at Eater LA:

Did you ever dream you'd make Padma breakfast in the morning?
Yes, I dreamt several times that I would cook her breakfast.

It seemed like you two had a special bond. She practically broke into tears when she told you to pack your knives, and she blurted it out instead dragging it on as she usually does.
Yes, I saw that same wanton look in her eyes.

No, um. Not wanton, sad. She looked sad.
Oh, that was sad? I guess the crying comes after the wanton. She looked way sad, like when someone has to make a tough decision. You do get to know each other well on the show. You bond with the judges as much as anyone else. You know, really, I don't think she liked being in Newark any more than I did.


CJ also tells Lesley about not wanting to be "cancer boy," about Joey Paulino's less-than-stellar pizza, Anne Hathaway's birthday party, and missing the show's g/l/b/t crowd, which was a bit of a surprise, coming, as it did, from Mr. Ungay.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Padma Lakshmi Stalker Alert: Salman's Joy's Got Nuts After Her Mounds






















Oh possums, as if the stresses of not blogging and of getting her hair done weren't enough, now comes news that Padma Lakshmi has yet another thing to worry her.

In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, “rocker” Cisco Adler reveals that he has the blueballs for Padma:

What TV do you watch?
I'm a Seinfeld guy. And I was a diehard Law and Order fan for years. I'm a reality junkie. I'm sorry all you cut-rate actors, it's just better TV! I'm kind of into Hell's Kitchen, and totally into America's Next Top Model, just to look for my next girlfriend. They gotta be making their way to L.A. after the show wraps, right? And I love Top Chef. Whoever that hostess is, she's the hottest girl ever!

That would be Padma Lakshmi, who recently announced she's divorcing her husband, Salman Rushdie.
Padma, call me up, baby!

“Call me up, baby”?!? Well, he’s got big balls; we'll give him that.

And we do mean big. For those readers who are too genteel to be acquainted with Perez Hilton, let us explain that Cisco Adler is best known for having dated Mischa Barton and for suffering from what must be elephantiasis.

That's alright, possums, don't mind us. We'll wait 30 seconds while you Google "Cisco Adler + big balls" and get a good look at the infamous nekkid picture.

Welcome back, o ye of the seared retinas. So, as we were saying, Cisco's got balls. The ballsiest move of all? Letting it slip that Padma would be competing against Tyra's sloppy seconds for his, er, affections. Tsk, tsk. But if that thing with the billionaire that isn't really a thing doesn't work out, here's Padma's opportunity to have a ball.