Thursday, February 26, 2009

Hootie Nation Weeps as Carla Hall’s Rise Deflated by “No”-fflé, Voodoo Double Curse

















What was meant to be a blue cheese soufflé curdled into a “no”-fflé, and likewise our sense and reason have curdled into a bubbling, grief-studded, superstitious inquiry into why some things fail to rise. (And no, we’re not taking “egg whites and a too-hot oven” as an answer.)

After tossing and turning our voices-filled head on our tinfoil pillow, having nightmares of Hosea Rosenberg and Tom Colicchio holding up cans of Diet Coke and those little gold homunculi from the king cakes, an answer came to us.

It was nothing less than a voodoo double curse (though, of course, the producers tried to throw us off the scent by showing us a voodoo lady so incompetent that she suggested Jamie Lauren might yet be Stefan Richter’s girlfriend; mind you, if voodoo ladies have the power to turn lesbians into straight girls, then Jerry Falwell and Fred Phelps are going to be in a sticky bind).

Much as it pains us, since we genuinely like Casey “Beaver Boots” Thompson, we have no choice but to pronounce her the first voodoo curse of this finale. And it isn’t as if this is a new idea. Back in August of 2007, during Season 3, we had already dubbed her the “Typhoid Mary” of Top Chef, since everyone who became friendly with her was immediately eliminated from the competition.

And as for the second voodoo curse, well, we learnt yesterday that Carla once cooked for Dick Cheney. Need we say more?

With this kind of bad magic, Hootie never stood a chance.

7 comments:

sage said...

OMG! hahahahaha!

Yes. The Hazards of letting oneself be (mis)led by those who should only be there to assist to. :P

Aimee said...

Yea, somehow Casey managed to totally screw Carla (and not in a good way), although to be fair Carla did allow it to happen.

Anonymous said...

Casey is the worst. I NEVER want to see her on my TV again. I hope that she's ashamed of herself since HER dishes sunk Carla. Hootie Hoo Carla!!! We will all watch your cooking show, promise!

Hakko said...

I thought the Voodoo Lady said that Stefan's hand was his girlfriend.

Lashings & Lashings of Ginger Beer said...

noooooo hootie no i'll never forget ilu no why god why :(

sage said...

Of course, Dick Cheney had the good sense to stay off the computer - not go off half-cocked to some blog -- the day after His Administration ended. ;)

Olivia Wilder said...

Carla will be a guest on my "Olivia Wilder Times" show on Sunday, 3/22 at 5pm PT/ 8 Eastern.

Here is the URL:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/olivia/2009/03/23/OLIVIA-THE-ART-OF-LIVING

Hootie Hoo!