The Heterosexual Woman’s Long National Nightmare Is Over: Sam Talbot Puts a Thumb-Ring On It

Well, possums, while the heterosexual women of America may have wept blue-cheese-and-watermelon tears, we were relieved to read the news that Colombian arepa Paola Guerrero has finally made an honest man out of Sam “Not That Guy” Talbot.

We remembered the time after the engagement was announced this past summer, when a “hell hath no fury,” bedroom-farce fecal storm erupted in the comments section chez nos potes at Eater, ended up on Page Six, and led a little bird to send us pics of a, um, little Talbot bird (tattoos are such handy identifiers). The whole thing reminded us of this ad for the Chanel men’s fragrance Égoïste, except without the Prokofiev score, and with more naked photos emailed to pun-named blogs.

And so, if this marriage at least means an end to all such tsuris, then we are all for it. Good luck to everyone involved.

The Future Mrs. Sam Talbot Shares Her Love

Amuse-Biatch Presents Paola Guerrero and Sam Talbot

Amuse-Biatch Heterosexual Wednesday: Is This Sam Talbot’s Little Arepa?

Possums, our search for a photie of Sam Talbot’s Colombian fiancée--the mysterious Paola Guerro, or is it Paola Guerra, or is it Paola Guerrero?--had proved fruitless and exasperating, the hunt for the elusive arepa. But then we came across a find by a commenter on Eater, namely the photo above, which, in its original state on Flickr, is labeled Paola Guerrero - Wilhelmina New York (as you may know, possums, Wilhelmina is a renowned modeling agency).

We're inclined to believe this might be the one. The future Mrs. Talbot is a model, sayeth Sam, and this Paola is a model. As we noted earlier, the announcement on People's website, written by someone Latino-deficient, couldn't decide if the woman's surname is Guerro (never come across it before) or Guerra (much more plausible). But if Paola's last name is really Guerrero, that would explain "Guerro" as a typo by someone Latino-deficient. And if this is the future Mrs. Talbot, pues ¡ay Dios mío!

However, we could not help but notice that there are a number of commenters on the Eater post who have a female friend who thought she was due to get the thumb-ring any day now. But surely Sam couldn't be such a cad? Right, possums? Right? Besides, whether her last name is Guerra ("war") or Guerrero ("warrior"), the future Mrs. T looks like she's quite a contender.