The Heterosexual Woman’s Long National Nightmare Is Over: Sam Talbot Puts a Thumb-Ring On It

Well, possums, while the heterosexual women of America may have wept blue-cheese-and-watermelon tears, we were relieved to read the news that Colombian arepa Paola Guerrero has finally made an honest man out of Sam “Not That Guy” Talbot.

We remembered the time after the engagement was announced this past summer, when a “hell hath no fury,” bedroom-farce fecal storm erupted in the comments section chez nos potes at Eater, ended up on Page Six, and led a little bird to send us pics of a, um, little Talbot bird (tattoos are such handy identifiers). The whole thing reminded us of this ad for the Chanel men’s fragrance Égoïste, except without the Prokofiev score, and with more naked photos emailed to pun-named blogs.

And so, if this marriage at least means an end to all such tsuris, then we are all for it. Good luck to everyone involved.

Gail Simmons’ Wedding-Gift Registry: You Can Still Get Her a Fish Spatula (Though Obviously Not for Chilean Sea Bass)

Well, possums, although WeddingChannel.com helpfully informs us that Gail Simmons and Jeremy Abrams have been married for 116 days, it is not too late to get our buxom and leonine McGill graduate a gift.

Gail and Jeremy registered at Bloomingdale’s and Williams-Sonoma, and there are a number of affordable items left (we’re eyeing a basting spoon). So go on, and have a look.

Rachael Ray Wedding Album: Is That a Spitcurl Over His Eye?