Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Amuse-Biatch Bisexual Tuesday?

Sandee, possum, we looked at your hands (not that we were examining your finger-length ratio), and trust us, we know exactly how you feel. If we were sitting that close to Lia Bardeen, our hands would be itching too. Who would dare blame you? That pose, that sultry, almost half-lidded look, the gnocchi-soft lips, the gently sloping bazooms--er, pardon us while we take a moment to remind ourselves that we're gay.

But guess what, Sandee, possum? You might just have a chance with Lia after all.

Which brings us to the placement of the question mark in the headline. We have no doubt--no serious doubt, at any rate--that today is Tuesday. The bisexual bit, however, is something else altogether, but we figured the question mark would look odd anywhere else.

Our grammatical quandary is the result of two anonymous comments left by Amuse-Biatch readers suggesting that when Lia is looking to poach something in olive oil, she might favor both shrimp and scallops:

Just to comment, I've known Lia for a while. She used to have a girlfriend...[S]he was dating, and living, with the girl. She was never a shy bookish little girl. She has, and wears, black lingerie with garters and all. Curly or straight, blonde or brunette, she is, or at least was, a dangerous sexpot.


Well, I suppose it could be something made up, but it isn't. She just broke up with her girlfriend and moved out less than a year ago. They had dated for years...She's dating a boy now, there by [sic] making her entire family of lesbians (sister, mother) I suppose somewhat sad.

Again, we stress that these are anonymous and entirely unsubstantiated rumors, and that we are not presenting them as true, but to us they are nonetheless thrilling, titillating, and delightful. We adored literature major Lia when we thought she merely read Sarah Waters novels; now that it is possible she lives them as well, we positively worship her. If it's true, Lia, possum, welcome to the club.

If nothing else, we take this opportunity to respond to another Amuse-Biatch reader, who pleaded with us, "More pictures of Lia please..."

Well, possum, never let it be said that we are unresponsive to our readers, and since you did say please, here's what we were able to dredge up:


The Big Shamu said...

As if Mondays aren't bad enough, now you bitches have come up with Tease Tuesday?
I do like your post arrangement, Lia and Sandee on Top of Padma.
So much for getting work done for the rest of the day.

Charlus said...

Tease Tuesday? Now that's a brilliant name. I'm afraid we'll just have to steal it.

Anonymous said...

If nothing else, we take this opportunity to respond to another Amuse-Biatch reader, who pleaded with us, "More pictures of Lia please..."

Thank you.

SGLC said...

Remember - you can't spell Lesbian without Lia...

Anonymous said...

IF there is any truth to the anonymous comment, it was just a phase. Many young woman go through it and just figure out there's no party like a sausage party. I mean the whole premise of anon is she was with guys the whole time anyway right? I'll bet she even went vegetarian for a bit....sorry ladies, there's no hope for you ;-)

trixie said...

I just knew you'd pounce on those posts. "Tease Tuesday" -- that's a keeper!

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