Vagaries of Cruel Fête: After Being Ousted from "Top Chef," Katie Lee Joel Uncovers Further Evidence That Cream Does Not Rise to the Top

Following her exit as Top Chef hostess after the first season, we had heard nary a peep about Mrs. Piano Man, Katie Lee Joel. Her role as wooden-faced child bride was taken by another.

We speak, of course, of Katie Holmes.

But now comes word of Mrs. Joel, and it ain't so good.

Oh possums, Sean Combs huffed and Puff'd and blew down her house of cards. According to TMZ, Puff Daddy threw her out of his party for not being sufficiently white. As Miss XaXa put it, "Oh no, he Diddy'nt!"

Well, he did. In all fairness, though, this reverse discrimination came at Puffy's annual White Party (not to be confused with the one in Palm Springs, although, given what happened to Mrs. Joel, one does wonder), when Katie Lee showed up wearing cream, not white.

Mrs. Joel was requested to "change her outfit in order to attend the fete," but she hightailed it home instead. As those sibylline fonts of wisdom from Bananarama put, it's a cruel, cruel summer indeed, leaving her there on her own.

Katie Lee Joel Heats Up the Purple Carpet in Oven Bag

Possums, we looked at this photograph of Top Chef's Season 1 hostess, Katie Lee Joel, taken at the recent Food Network Awards, and we shook our heads in pity.

Well, before the pity came the hunger. When we buy carnitas, the nice butcher chap gives them to us in the exact same bag that Katie Lee is wearing, and looking at her made us long for pork.

At any rate, Katie Lee, possum, it's a nice try, but don't you think it's a case of "too little, too late"? (Actually, Miss XaXa suggested that it was a case of taking a tinfoil hat to the next level, an entire tinfoil collection.)

Sure, you saw Padma Lakshmi become more popular (or talked about, which is all that matters) than you on the second season of Top Chef. You said to yourself, "What does she have that I don't?" As Yul Brynner used to talk-sing in The King and I, that...is...a puzzlement.

After all, both you and Padma have the affectless delivery and slightly glazed look down pat (as well as youth and rich, pudgy, more famous husbands). You rightfully concluded, then, that Padma's whorendous, fugly outfits gave her the edge, and you decided to campaign for your old job back.

Sorry, possum, you're going to have to do better than that outfit which is both oven bag and turkey. The wrinkling is a nice touch (makes us think of the crumpled wrappers on those hot dogs you get outside Costco), but you're going to have to do a lot more to get into the Padma league. Better luck next time.

P.S. The whole Baby Spice/Katie Holmes look is also worrying us. Call us; we can help.