Keep Him in the Dark and Feed Him, Er, Saffron

Possums, a quick note from our Department of Self-Writing Jokes (though, alas for him, not Self-Aware Jokes):

On the latest glorious stop in his storied Top Chef Victory Tour, Ilan Hall will be appearing at, we kid you not, the Mushroom Festival in Kennett Square, Pennsylvania. Buy your tickets now, possums. Just be careful. It's not always easy to tell the poisonous ones just by the way they look.

Ilan Hall: Watch What Happens

That, possums, is a Patek Philippe Aquanaut Luce small pure white quartz movement with date. Case in steel set with 46 Top Wesselton diamonds - approx. 0.58 carat. Tropical composite strap available in pure white. Water resistant to 60m.

Amuse-Biatch Shares Its "VD" with You -- Valentine's Day, That Is

Normally, we hate Valentine's Day, mostly because of all the people who say "ValentiMe's Day." However, this year is different, because we got a Valentine's Day card from reader Dianna, and we are only too happy to share it with you. And look, Mrs. Hall, proof that Ilan is straight!