Amuse-Biatch Photoessay: Eugene Villiatora in Shocking “Lost” Spoiler—They DID Move the Island!

Wayward and Biatchstein Investigate: Baltimore’s Jill Snyder Identified as “Top Chef” Contestant

A little possum told us that one of the cheftestants competing on the next season of Top Chef is Jill Snyder, executive chef of Red Maple in the Mount Vernon neighborhood of Baltimore. The same little possum told us that Ms. Snyder's audition video for Top Chef had been posted on YouTube, but that spoilsport Bravo had jacked Jill and made her take it down.

Naturally, we set to looking into this, and--wouldn't you know it--this video did indeed exist on YouTube on some point, but now has been mysteriously scrubbed clean from everywhere it was posted. This was all that we could find, this spoor, this tantalizing trace:








As you can see, it's rather difficult to get a close look at Ms. Snyder, but there is enough there for us to hazard a guess that the woman in the first picture on this post (from Red Maple's website, which does not identify the subject of the photo) is none other than the fair Jill. There are, to our eyes at any rate, suggestive similarities in the shape of the nose and mouth; likewise, the band in the hair is similar, and the earrings appear to be the same. This is by no means definitive, but we think it's a good hunch. Still, if you happen to have a photo of the telegenic Ms. Snyder, please feel free to send it in.

(We also discovered that Ms. Snyder's audition tape was put together by Marcus Morelli, who happens to have the following food-related video on Funny or Die, which itself has a Colicchio-sponsored, food-related partner site, Eat Drink or Die):

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

According to the restaurant's website, "[w]ith every seasonal menu update Executive Chef Jill Snyder and her staff consistently deliver gastronomic feng shui" (!!). Further, "[t]he Red Maple menu is focused on obtaining locally grown and raised foodstock while at the same time drawing upon globally influenced spicing, marinading, food prep and cooking techniques." On verra.

At any rate, possums, please keep the tips coming.

Chefarazzi Gone Wild! Season 5 Cheftestants Caught in the Lens!

Yes, possums, it's happened. On the day when the Brangelina twin-baby pics are being released, Eater is bringing us a glimpse of yet another rare species, the remaining Season 5 contestants. Yes, we know, possums, for a second we also thought it was yet another paparazzo photo of Lindsay "The LAPD Chief just called me gay" Lohan and a galpal. We may yet have more chefbians on our hands. Stay tuned.

“Top Chef” Caught Foo(d) Fighting at Thanksgiving, Told to Grohl Up

An anonymous commenter let us know, and now The Rochester Democrat and Chronicle (yes, really) confirms, that last Monday, July 28, the Foo Fighters taped an episode of Top Chef. According to this, the show in question is the Thanksgiving episode.

Spoiler Alert? Tom Colicchio Goes on “Today Show” as Part of Season 5 Challenge

Well, possums, when you go on national television--and alongside Kathie Lee Gifford, no less--it can hardly be called a spoiler, but if you’re of the sort who wants to remain unsullied, read no further (though, really, if you were the sort who wanted to remain pure and unsullied in the first place, you probably wouldn’t be reading a blog called Amuse-Biatch, would you?).

So, as you must know by now, Season 5 is being filmed en ce moment in New York City and its environs. (We had heard rumors about New Orleans being the chosen site, and had winced in anticipation of Quickfire Challenges such as “Cook Breakfast in a FEMA Trailer!” Or perhaps we’re too cynical; given what happened with Chicago, perhaps they would never have left the French Quarter during the filming. At any rate, we’re relieved it’s the Big Apple rather than the Big Easy this time around.)

And the Ursus Major himself, Mr. Tom “Padre Padrone” Colicchio, went this morning charmingly to disport himself with what passes for the salon des précieuses these days—Meredith Vieira, Natalie Morales, Hoda Kotb, and Kathie Lee Gifford. The video is here, but because those lovely folks at MSN won’t allow us to embed the video, we’ve resorted to screencaps and a little transcription. Bear in mind, though, we’re not court reporters, so we may have missed a word here or there.

The segment begins and Meredith Vieira announces, “This morning we put 13 chefs to the test of making a meal for us. We’re going to taste some of them and pick our favorite.” [Hint, Meredith: Go for the fat ones first; they taste better.]

So assuming the season began with 15 or 16 cheftestants, this tells us that two or three have already been eliminated. Meredith then brings on His Royal Bearness.

Pardon us for a moment while we let him bashfully beam.


















So, Tom says, “We’re shooting in New York, so New York’s a great background. The chefs are all seasoned pros, and so far the competition’s pretty stiff.”

In other words, the usual shtick, except that, surprisingly, no talk this time of how this season’s contestants are the strongest yet, etc., etc. Hmmmm. God, this always feels like Kremlinology.

Tom again: “Their assignment was to prepare and demonstrate a dish that they would make if they were on the Today Show. And we have 13 chefs; they all did a two-and-a-half minute demonstration, and we are pretty much deadlocked. So we narrowed it down to three. You’re going to make the decision.”

Why, it’s like that new Kevin Costner movie about voting, except that maybe the Today Show women are like the Electoral College, or maybe the Supremes (in both senses of the word). And by the way, don’t that sound aaawf’lly like Next Food Network Star? We sense a gradual convergence.

Tom yet again: “Whoever wins the challenge, on December when this episode airs, will come on and make their dish on the Today Show.”

What did we tell you? Perhaps Top Chef will decamp for Food Network much as Project Runway went to Lifetime. Also, this lets us know that Season 5, now officially called Top Chef: New York, will begin airing in November, or perhaps early December.

So, on to the dishes.

Tom: “This is a tomato, watermelon, feta cheese salad…with basil oil and balsamic vinegar.”

We learn Meredith Vieira does not eat watermelon because it makes her sick.

Tom: “The next one is a sautéed shrimp cabbage roll, and it’s also made with roasted peppers and walnuts. There’s a spice in there, which is sumac.”
















Kathie Lee Gifford, after putting a roll in her mouth: “I can’t stand that. Can I do something with this? I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry for the person who made this.” She goes to the sink, spits it out in a paper towel and throws it away.

Bitch.

Tom: “The next one is seared tuna with asparagus, and roasted carrots and a little balsamic glaze.”

Natalie Morales can’t eat it because she’s pregnant.

“We all have our issues, don’t we?” asks a seemingly un-self-aware Kathie Lee Gifford (yes, it’s redundant, we know).

“Not Hoda, though,” Kathie Lee adds, “she’ll eat anything.”

Hoda shows admirable restraint in not knifing her right then and there.

The, er, ladies then confer, and render their verdict:

To the Victor Go the Spoilers

Ever since Season 2, our pal Lesley at Eater LA has been the undisputed Queen of Spoilers, and this year, possums, the crown sits ever more comfortably upon her locks. Once again, she has come up with the season finale spoilers. Proceed at your own risk.

Finale-Bound: Where the Sunlight's Streaming and the Natives Steaming?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Did Raggaydy Andy Suffer a Lip Slip?

As you must all know by now, possums, The New York Times just last week tackled chefs and their potty, potty mouths, paying special attention to this season's cheftestants on Top Chef.

It seems somehow fitting, then, that Raggaydy Andy Cohen's own loose lips may just have let something slip. It's what we found when we read a blog entry by Pete Wells, the reporter who penned the piece:

Reporting the article, I interviewed Andy Cohen, the Bravo executive responsible for Top Chef. Before he got down to talking how much bleeping this season’s contestants have required, he suggested, out of nowhere, that The Times run an article on how many female chefs there are. We’ve done that, I told him, impatient to move on to the gutter language. But now I’m wondering if he was inadvertently telling me something about the outcome of this season. After all, no woman has won yet. So I’ll just toss that into the rumor mill.

Interesting, of course, but we don't at all believe that Raggaydy Andy was revealing the winner of the show, quite simply because the finale has not yet been filmed and the winner not yet chosen. However, we do believe something was revealed, because take a look at what then happened on Wells' blog entry:

UPDATE: Andy Cohen called this afternoon to say I’d misquoted him in this blog. He claims the article he suggested to me was about “lesbian female chefs.” That’s not what I heard and it’s not what I took down in my notes, but the phone he was speaking on during that interview didn’t pick up every word he said, and I had to ask him to repeat himself several times. I never asked him to repeat the remark about “female chefs,” though. So it’s quite possible that he’s right and the word “lesbian” was dropped.

Uh-huh, yeah, right. As one of the post's commenters notes, "lesbian female - That would have been a bit redundant, no?" Indeed it would, particularly coming from someone who is openly gay himself. So, as polite as Wells is being in his equivocating, we're going with the Gray Female, er, Lady on this one.

So what's the upshot of all of this? Our guess is, two women in the final four, Stephanie Izard and likely Antonia Lofaso as well.

Out of the MFMouths of...: Brian MFMalarkey Refuses to Be Your Kid-Tested, Homo-Approved Pawn!

Sometimes, possums, even we are taken aback at the sheer deliciousness of certain statements made by cheftestants. We practically squirm with delight.

We don't mind confessing, then, that there was a good deal of delighted squirming when we came across this interview with Brian MFMalarkey. Herewith, the tastiest, squirmiest bits:

* "I was apprehensive about doing the show," Brian said. "First it was a challenge of if I was going to get on the show... Once I got on I really had to think, 'Do I want to do this?'"

"I called up the day before I was going to ship out and said no... I don’t want to be edited. I don’t want to be your pawn... I was really nervous about the whole process," Brian added.

[MFMalarkey showing signs of being confused and "undecided"? Color us shocked.]

* Brian, who said he's very popular with kids, older ladies, and the gay community, had a feeling from the start that he'd make it to the final four.

["Wait a minute," said Miss XaXa. "Wasn't Liberace the last man to be very popular with kids, older ladies, and the gay community?"]

* Either way, Brian said he was confident he'd make it to the final four because he has a lot of diversity in the kitchen and is quick on his feet.

[Well, possums, let us not be so skeptical about his "diversity." It's true he was ever so devoted to sausage, but sometimes it was fish (seafood) and sometimes it was fowl (pheasant). Being torn between fish and fowl is perfect for MFMalarkey, n'est-ce pas?]

* Why else did Brian have a feeling he'd make it to the final four? "A lot of the challenges don't really come down to the cooking skills, but your charisma..."

["Honey," said Miss XaXa, "your charisma was seriously undermined by the soul patch, the thumb ring and the asshats."]

* All joking aside, while Brian said, "CJ's definitely going to be my best friend that I'll know for a lifetime," he also said he has a "really strong bond" with the other members of the final four... "even Hung."

Even Hung?

"[The viewers] have horrible opinions of him. I was a roommate and kind of a big brother to him. He'd start saying the most ridiculous things, and I'd say, 'Hung, Hung, you're on TV,' and he'd listen to me."

[Frankly, possums, we were shocked--shocked!--by Brian's admissions. The idea that a fratty white beach boy would become best friends with a fratty white beach boy is truly surprising. And the idea of Brian, beloved of the gay community, playing "big brother" to little bisexual Hung, well, it's enough to restore one's faith in humanity. It's a fine example of living up to the ideals of Be Kind to Bisexuals Week.]

Now, a teensy potential spoiler alert pointed out by an astute anonymous Amuse-Biatch commenter. On his blog today, Raggaydy Andy says, "After tonight's episode, I will be live at Bravotv.com for 'Watch What Happens' with one of tonight's eliminated chefs and Gail Simmons - call us live!" MFMalarkey's MySpace page says he's off to New York for his birthday, and his birthday is today. Donc, MFMalarkey is in New York today, and thus going on "Watch What Happens" tonight as one of the eliminated chefs. What a way to spend your (35? 30?) birthday!

"Alien v. Predator" Finally Has a Worthy Sequel: Spice Rack to Take On the Jowly Green Giant

That's the scoop that our pal Lesley of Eater LA brings us. On Sunday, October 14, in Los Angeles, California, Betty "Spice Rack" Fraser will go funbags to (smaller) funbag with CJ "Jowly Green Giant" Jacobson in a cook-off.

CJ, possum, you'd best be careful. You may have survived Arianna Huffington, but Spice Rack is a real ball-buster, a giant-killer.

"Hell, she's a man-eater," Miss XaXa concurred. "Just look at that picture. It looks like she's eating CJ's remaining..."

"Now, now," we hastened to interject. And with good reason, for Lesley has another scoop up her sleeve (she could work at Baskin-Robbins). But don't click unless you want to view an extremely plausible spoiler alert about the finale.

For those of you who don't care, go fish.

Of Asshats and Tinfoil Hats: Another Spoiler Alert?

Again, possums, blame all of this on the lack of a new episode this week, and the usual warnings apply, i.e., if you don't want to be exposed to possible spoilers, read no further.

For those not so inclined, listen to our cockamamie reasoning.

Last week, our pal Lesley at Eater LA provided a little spoiler information of her own, relating what happened when she attended the Western Foodservice & Hospitality Expo in Los Angeles:

[W]e found ourselves in the 'beer garden' (natch) standing next to a woman with an Oceanaire/San Diego, CA badge. Why...cheftestant Brian Malarkey works at the Oceanaire! Always one to take advantage of a situation, we asked the co-worker: "Hey, did Brian win?" OK, maybe we thought we'd trip her up. Conniving? A little bit. Results? Nada. The woman's eyes widened, then she paused, smiled, shrugged, looked away and kind of giggled. "I don't knoo-oooow..." This, in that way that suggests, "Yes, I know, but of course I'm not going to tell you crazy stranger." Then she added: "I probably know more than most people because I'm friends with his wife." Honestly, if you were there, it was painfully obvious Brian made it pretty damn far in the competition.

And then today Amuse-Biatch reader CB advised us to look at the MySpace page maintained by Brian "Asshat" Malarkey's wife, Chantelle, and as we thought of Lesley's post ("I probably know more than most people because I'm friends with his wife"), our little antennae began to quiver. The quivering intensified when we remembered how, last season, Ilan Hall telegraphed on his MySpace page that he had won by playing the Scrappy song "Money in the Bank."

So, on her MySpace page, Mrs. Malarkey, "Chantelle Chanel" ("Wasn't she a contestant on Flavor of Love?" asked Miss XaXa), has the Chanel logo as her wallpaper, and says that her interests include "luxury living," "gold," "diamonds and jewels," "CA$H money," and the music she likes includes that of "Johnny Ca$h." To our way of thinking, either she suffers from outsized cupidity or she knows there's "Money in the Bank." Might Asshat have won the whole thing?

Spoiler Alert (?): Is Tom Colicchio a Bad News Bear?

Well, bad news for some, and good news for others, possums.

Those of you who want to be preserved from fevered, tinfoil-hatted speculation, please stop reading now, etc., etc., etc. The rest of you, possums, come on down and let's wildly, if intelligently, speculate.

Cast your minds back, possums, to the time when Tom Colicchio was in Los Angeles opening the latest iteration of his signature restaurant, Craft. It was then that he told our pal Lesley at Eater LA (herself no stranger to Top Chef spoilers) that he would be in L.A. "until we tape the final show. The reveal is live, we taped everything up until that. We haven't told them who won yet."

And then came the news a couple of weeks ago that a finale or semi-final was being taped in Aspen (though our speculation about Tre Wilcox's involvement in that proved fallacious, so take today's speculation with an even bigger dose of fleur de sel).

And now comes this.

Faithful Amuse-Biatch reader Stephanie M. was watching this week's web broadcast of Raggaydy Andy-hosted "Watch What Happens" when she watched something happen. Raggaydy Andy, as is his wont, had the guests playing a word association game, and when it came to cheftestant Hung Huynh, Tom Colicchio declined to say anything. Why? Well, as Tom said, "I'm still judging him." (If you want to see for yourself, go to the Bravo website and check the "Watch What Happens" archives. It comes at the 2:32 mark on Part 4).

To us, it suggests that Hung is one of the final two, and that since the final decision, to be revealed live, hasn't perhaps been made, Tom, out of an abundance of caution and conscience, decided to bite his tongue. Of course, the idea of Hung being one of the final two isn't really much of a surprise, is it? So this isn't really much of a spoiler. But given what just happened to front runner Tre, one never knows. If what we speculate is true, more interesting is the question of who the other finalist is. We'd hate for it to be Asshat (though he hasn't worn hats in a couple of episodes); we'd pray for Hung to chop his seafood sausage off. We hope, of course, that it's Dale: Knife-Fight at the "OK, Are You Really Bi?" Corral.

So, possums, put on your tinfoil hats and let us know what you think.

Bravo, Food and Wine Attempt to Unspill Milk

We bet that look from judge Gail Simmons was seen a lot around the Food & Wine and Bravo offices yesterday, after someone posted an article on Food & Wine's website purporting to profile the winner of this season of Top Chef.

Food & Wine is now churning fast in an attempt to turn spilt milk into whipped cream, releasing this statement on its website:

Top Chef, Season Two
Yesterday, an intrepid reality tv fan found a Top Chef story on Food & Wine's server. Food & Wine prepared profiles of both Top Chef finalists in advance of the last episode so that we had a story on the winner ready to publish immediately after the season finale. Now for everyone to see, here are profiles of both finalists, Marcel and Ilan. Watch Top Chef on Wednesday, January 31 at 10PM EST to find out the real winner.

Uh-huh. As even the most credulous drag queen of our acquaintance once pronounced, "Sho' thang, Shuga'." If you want a more detailed description of the whole sordid mess, turn to our pals at Eater LA. But don't say you weren't warned. Proceed at peril to your hard-won innocence.

Amuse-Biatch Gentle, Beatific Fingerwagging: To the Winner Goes the Spoiler

Possums, just a little plea on behalf of those people who didn't read the last few pages of Agatha Christie's The Murder of Roger Ackroyd and then started reading at the beginning.

Yes, we have heard all about the Top Chef spoiler, the big, job-imperiling whoopsie-daisy by Food & Wine magazine revealing who the winner is.

But for the sake of those who don't want to know just who killed Roger Ackroyd (or framed Roger Rabbit) or what "Rosebud" is until the end, please don't post the spoilers in the comments section. You can whisper all your naughty secrets in our ear via e-mail, but let us leave at least one unspoilt pleasure for those who are not as sulphurously jaundiced as we. D'accord, possums?